We previously wrote about pro se litigant Julio Mora, who asked the members of the Florida Supreme Court to "kiss his a**hole every time the justice[s] will retire going to their den." The requested relief was denied, and Mora was sanctioned.

Everyone thinks of Canadians as darn so "nice" -- but defendants up there can get saucy too. From the Halifax Chronicle-Herald:

A psychiatric assessment has been ordered for a homeless man who dropped his pants in a Halifax courtroom Friday and invited the judge to perform oral sex on him.

Motion denied. If only he had appeared before this judge.

Joel David Arseneau, 40, was being arraigned in Halifax provincial court before Judge Barbara Beach on two charges of breaching probation or court orders when he let his pants fall to the floor, displaying his underwear.

Sheriff’s deputies hustled Mr. Arseneau out of the courtroom. As they were taking him downstairs to the holding cells, they received word that Judge Beach was prepared to proceed with the arraignment as long as the defendant was willing to keep his pants up.

Glad to hear they have some standards of courtroom decorum up in Halifax.

Hopefully Mr. Arseneau was wearing boxer shorts. Briefs come perilously close to male Speedos.

Man drops his pants in court [Halifax Chronicle-Herald]

Earlier: Pro Se Litigant of the Day: Julio Mora
If the Court Has Gone Down on You, Is Recusal Required?

Jobs moving from the first world to the third world has been a trend for quite a few years now. Originally in manufacturing and call centers, the cheap services offered abroad are starting to get more specialized, such as tax preparation and even local journalism.

We wrote last year about how clients are putting pressure on law firms to outsource basic legal tasks to Indian lawyers with hourly rates of $20. A recent Washington Post article sounds the outsourcing alarm again for lawyers. It says the kind of legal work being sent to India is expanding rapidly:

Indian workers who once helped with legal transcription now offer services that include research, litigation support, document discovery and review, drafting of contracts and patent writing. The industry offers an attractive career path for many of the 300,000 Indians who enroll in law schools every year. India and the United States share a common-law legal system rooted in Britain's, and both conduct proceedings in English.

If Hollywood is in on the trend, then you know there's trouble, since all important trends start in California.

"Ninety percent of a lawyer's work is legal research and drafting, and all this can now be offshored to India," said Russell Smith, who worked in a Manhattan law firm called SmithDehn before moving to India to set up an outsourcing company in 2006. "A large portion of our fees in the U.S. is because of office rent. It is often a big decision to hire one attorney in the U.S. In India, we can hire 10 at a time and train them all at once."

Smith's Indian company, SDD Global Solutions, handled much of the legal work for the film "Borat." Other clients include the Washington-based firm Appleton & Associates and U.S. movie studios and television networks.

"My people in India can do everything from here, except sign the opinion letter and appear in an American court," he said.

Smith's Indian office recently researched and drafted the motion papers for the dismissal of a libel case against the producers of HBO's "Da Ali G Show." Smith said that if it had not been for the cheaper option of outsourcing, the producers would have settled.

On the upside, the article talks about one persisting need for American lawyers: to train Indian lawyers. Indian lawyers tend to write in "flowery, British-style English," and need to be "retrained to write in crisp, short sentences." Better get working on those writing skills.

U.S. Legal Work Booms in India [Washington Post]

Before we issued our report on lawyer layoffs at Paul Hastings, we reached out to the firm for comment. Eileen King, Global Director of Public Relations for Paul Hastings, told us that "the firm does not comment on employment law matters."

Or something. After being subjected to waterboarding the enhanced interrogation techniques of the American Lawyer, Paul Hastings was moved to speak:

King told The Am Law Daily that while some associates have been let go, they were part of typical annual performance reviews. While she declines to say how many had been let go, King says the numbers were in line with last year's cuts.

"There is always resulting turnover [after performance reviews], but we have not done any layoffs," King says. "It's really normal attrition based on performance evaluations, and the numbers show year over year that we're up in associates. We're a healthy firm in terms of head count and real revenue perspective, and the numbers really say the story in my mind."

We'd be interested in seeing some actual numbers, in terms of this year's cuts compared to last year's cuts. But we'll take PH at its word -- if they say no layoffs, then there have been no layoffs.

Laying off associates? It's just a state of mind. One firm's "layoffs" are another firm's "normal, performance-related attrition."

King says the firm's revenue and head count situation is healthy. Associate head count, she adds, is up "considerably" for the year, and the firm expects to welcome a larger summer associate class than in 2007. Revenue increased 19.9 percent in 2007, to $925 million. Profits per partner were up 19.6 percent, to $1.92 million.

A dramatic increase in PPP isn't necessarily a rebuttal to the layoff claims. As Shinyung Oh, author of the famous PH Farewell Email, told the WSJ Law Blog, in explaining why she sent her dramatic missive, "I want [laid-off associates] to feel like they’re not completely alone and not to worry about their own performance when it’s the firm doing something for economic reasons... [or a] desire to increase partner profits."

Speaking of Shinyung Oh, her bio is no longer on the PH website. Has she been officially terminated?

We're looking into the situation. If you know anything, feel free to drop us a line.

Paul Hastings Denies Reports of Layoffs [American Lawyer]
Paul Hastings scotches lay-off reports [Legal Week]

Earlier: Nationwide Layoff Watch: Paul Hastings

Flying these days is an exercise in self-humiliation. You pack your bag knowing that someone is likely to go through it, possibly in front of others. You have to strip down as you go through security. And the airlines have no respect for you as they announce that your flight is continually delayed due to "mechanical problems" or "weather."

All that's bad, but Gokhan Mutlu had it much worse on a recent JetBlue flight. From WCBS TV:

Initially, Mutlu was told a flight attendant had taken the last seat on the plane, but then he was advised she would sit in the employee "jump seat," meaning he could have the last seat, the lawsuit said.

The pilot told him 1 1/2 hours into the five-hour flight that he would have to relinquish the seat to the flight attendant, court papers say. But the pilot said that Mutlu could not sit in the jump seat because only JetBlue employees were permitted to sit there, the lawsuit said.

When Mutlu expressed reluctance to go sit in the bathroom, the pilot, who was not named in the lawsuit, told him that "he was the pilot, that this was his plane, under his command that (Mutlu) should be grateful for being on board," the lawsuit said.

When the aircraft hit turbulence and passengers were directed to return to their seats, but "the plaintiff had no seat to return to, sitting on a toilet stool with no seat belts," court papers say.

Mutlu is not taking it sitting down... this time. He's filed a $2 million lawsuit against JetBlue.

There may not be seat belts in the bathroom, but at least there's a decent amount of legroom.

Update: The New York Personal Injury Blog talks about how annoying this suit is for the rest of the personal injury law field.

Man Says JetBlue Pilot Forced Him To Sit On Toilet [WCBS TV via Drudge]

* Yesterday at the Supreme Court: South Africa damages case will go forward (because SCOTUS has no quorum -- four justices recused); 8-1 ruling holds that federal magistrate judge may preside over jury selection in a felony trial, with defense counsel's express consent; cert granted to appeal by Virginia death row inmate. [SCOTUSblog]

* Clear Channel buyout being renegotiated; litigation will settle. [DealBook / NYT; WSJ Law Blog]

* Emperors Club booker expected to plead guilty to money laundering conspiracy and conspiracy to commit interstate travel in aid of racketeering. [New York Times]

* The shady business of litigation finance. [Daily Business Review]

* Jury selection begins in R. Kelly kiddie porn case. [CNN]

* Earthquake in southwest China leaves 12,000 dead, with thousands more still buried under rubble. [New York Times]

Recently we've been thinking about law-related names for racehorses. The subject came up when we were reading about how Big Brown, the 2008 Kentucky Derby winner, might win the Triple Crown and join the company of Affirmed (pictured) -- the last winner of the Triple Crown, in 1978.

Hearing about a racing horse named "Affirmed" led us to start thinking about other legally-themed horse names. A few ideas:

-- "Reversed" (or "Reversed and Remanded")

We liked how it played off of "Affirmed." But it's "probably not the kind of message you want to send to the oddsmakers," said a friend.

-- "Cert Denied"

Kinda badass, no? We'll put it down as a possibility.

-- "GVR"

Suggested by another friend, to continue on the Supreme Court disposition theme. "GVR" stands for "Grant, Vacate, and Remand" -- which can, depending on the circumstances, be something of a benchslap. But maybe it's too technical, appreciated only by SCOTUS junkies?

-- "Desuetude"

Nominated by a third friend (in the midst of studying for law-school finals). It's erudite, but a bit short on sex appeal.

Have an idea for a law-related racehorse name, à la Affirmed? If so, feel free to leave it in the comments. If we get enough nominations, maybe we'll hold a contest. Also, feel free to weigh in on the names previously mentioned, if you strong feelings about any of them.

Update: Please make sure that your nomination complies with these naming rules (posted by a helpful commenter).

More about racehorses and the law, after the jump.

* Some thoughts on the recently deceased Mildred Loving, of Loving v. Virginia fame, and the federal marriage penalty in the income tax code. (Or: why Ted Frank is staying single.) [Point of Law]

* Another reverend in the news: Rev. Al Sharpton and entities connected to him owe nearly $1.5 million in taxes, interest, and penalties. [TaxProf Blog]

* Obama dons an American flag pin as he campaigns in West Virginia. [McClatchy]

* Sex with your entree? Uh, then what's for dessert? (Or: Pennsylvania appellate court holds that sexual activity is not an "accessory use" to a restaurant.) [Legal Intelligencer] [FN1]

* We mentioned it briefly on Friday, but here's more on Judge Robert Bork's settlement of his slip-and-fall lawsuit against the Yale Club. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

* Blawg Review #159: This week is whistleblower week, at Blawg Review and on Capitol Hill: "independent whistleblower coalitions, such as the International Association of Whistleblowers (IAW), the Make it Safe Campaign, and many other independent whistleblower coalitions, will hold a series of simultaneous but separate events in Washington, D.C.. These events are designed to lobby Congress and alert the public to the need to support whistleblower protection." [Whistleblower Law Blog via Blawg Review via Blawg Review]

[FN1] Note the double (or triple?) entendre in the Legal Intelligencer's headline: "Having Sex With Your Entree? Not So Fast, Says Court."

Here is a Tale of Two Judges: the Honorable Alex Kozinski, the relatively new chief judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit; and the Honorable Elizabeth Halverson, district judge in Clark County, Nevada.

Both are judges in the western United States. Both are colorful figures and well-known judicial mavericks. And both have been in the news lately. Chief Judge Kozinski graces the cover of California Lawyer magazine, which describes him -- and rightfully so -- as "brilliant, charming, and provocative." Meanwhile, Judge Halverson has been all over the national media in the past few days, thanks to this less-than-favorable AP report (picked up by many news outlets).

In light of these similarities, we decided to conduct a head-to-head comparison of the two jurists. Check it out, below the fold.

Bob Hezzelwood is serious about his beach time -- and serious about his right to spend that beach time in a speedo.

Last year, a sheriff's deputy gave Hezzelwood a ticket for his speedo-wearing ways:

[A] Lee County Sheriff’s deputy stopped by and wrote him a warning for trespassing.

The reason?

“Exposed scrotum,” the notice read. “Never return to Bonita Beach Main Access.”

But it turns out that, belied by his self-proclaimed “super-lazy” lifestyle, Beach Bob (more properly known as Robert Hezzelwood, 61, retired court reporter and Bonita Springs resident of 16 years) is a heckuva fighter.

The Naples Daily News has an extensive report on Hezzelwood's $4,000 legal fight to have the warning dismissed. Now Hezzelwood plans to file a lawsuit against the Lee County Sheriff's Office for violating his civil rights. "I’m a civilian out here who’s been picked on by a little bully deputy and that’s wrong. It’s just wrong," said Hezzelwood.

If you're wearing a speedo and don't have a super-hot bod, that's wrong. It's just wrong.

Beach Bob’s brouhaha: Swimsuit behind lawsuit [Naples Daily News]

Today is the first day of many law firms' summer associate programs. To summer associates who are starting work today: WELCOME!

Law school is great and all, and we're sure you had a fabulous experience last summer interning for the ACLU. But you haven't truly arrived in the legal profession until your first day of work as a summer associate. To those of you starting as summers today, congratulations! You are now Big Boys and Big Girls of Biglaw.

Several readers have asked us to give advice or tips to incoming summer associates. To be totally honest, we'd rather not. We seek to encourage summer associate scandals, like the many that we covered last summer -- e.g., the Bruised Booze Cruiser (at Kirkland & Ellis); Skadden Cristal Boy; Katten Kreep; O'Melveny Mystery Man -- not to nip them in the bud.

But because we're good people, we've collected below links to summer associate advice columns written by others. We also hereby declare this post to be an open thread, devoted to freewheeling discussion of do's and don'ts for summer associates. Summer associates, post your questions; experienced attorneys, post your answers.

Later this week, we'll offer advice for lawyers at firms who are hosting summers, concerning how to handle your young charges. In the weeks ahead, we'll be doing a slew of summer program-related surveys (e.g., a survey of summer lunch budgets at different firms). If you have suggestions for SA-related coverage, or salacious tales to tell, please email us (and include the words "summer associate" somewhere in the subject line).

Thanks in advance for all your tips. We're looking forward to a great summer, full of food, folks, and fun (plus a few good scandals). Please don't disappoint us!

First Day Advice for New Summers [ATL Community]
Tips for Summer Associates [Jeremy Blachman]
The Ten Commandments for Summer Associates [4LawSchool.com]

Earlier: The Incredible Shrinking Summer Program?