* Bill Childs disses AEI's parties. He just doesn't appreciate a good formal gala. [TortsProf Blog]

* FAA regulations: comply with weirded-out flight attendant at all times, no matter how irrational she is. [Prettier Than Napoleon]

* Apple claims right to word "podcast"; next: all soundwaves between 4500 and 6000 MHz. [Overlawyered]

* Blogs can be used against you in court. Duh. [Boston Globe via Elefant]

* Soon to be issued to all incoming associates. [The Billable Hour]

* The first judicial citation to CuteOverload.com. [Volokh]

* Two new books attack string theory; class action lawsuit against Stephen Hawking's "Brief History of Time" inevitable. [New Yorker]

* "I keep forgetting how women are disadvantaged by having to write a research agenda, but I am sure they have to be. Somehow. Always disadvantaged." [Kate Litvak comment on PrawfsBlawg]

* Dom Deluise is not only still alive, but can legally sue his litigious ex-daughter-in-law's lawyer. [Overlawyered]

* Weird Al Yankovic also alive, has aspirations of Jeremy Blachman-dom. [Overlawyered]

* Some might call it clever marketing of E. coli lawsuits, but I say it's spinach and I say to hell with it. [Wall Street Journal]

* It's not too late to download my law review article, and move me higher on the dowload rankings. [SSRN]

* Protest demands recognition of zombie legal rights: "What do we want?" "BRAINS!" "When do we want it?" "BRAINS!" [Boing Boing]

* Upcoming deadline #1: The statute of limitations for suing Merck over Vioxx expires for many many putative plaintiffs today. Court clerks will be busy as attorneys forum shop. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Upcoming deadline #2: The Days of Awe end Sunday, and Yom Kippur starts Sunday night. Stephen Colbert offers a toll-free number, 1-888-OOPS-JEW, if you wish to atone to him. The recorded disclaimer alone (and Colbert's addendum afterwards) makes it worth it, but you get what you pay for. [News From Me]

* It has nothing to do with the law, but how can we avoid mentioning this important press release on Kazakh-Uzbek relations? [Borat.tv]

Peter Lattman reports that Croesus-wealthy litigatrix Susan Loggans has put her Pacific Palisades mansion on sale for a pricy $26.9 million, three times what she paid for it.

Situated on two lots measuring approx. 2.5 usable acres this totally private and gated tennis court and equestrian estate is a paradise of its own. The home measures approx. 10,000 sq. ft. with 7 Bedrooms & 7 Bathrooms, extraordinary kitchen and a spectacular great room. The master has 2 large baths and walk-in closets with incredible views of the grounds which include enormous lawns, tennis court and pool. Across a bridge over its own year-round stream one will find a full orchard with plums.

Loggans is famous for litigation, but more often as a party than as an attorney. She sued the previous owner of her California home, an Austrian-American movie star named Arnold Schwarzenegger, calling the property a "nightmare." One looks forward to the transfer disclosure statement Loggans will provide the lucky buyer. The Loggans-Schwarzenegger result is confidential, but Loggans had no luck in a lawsuit over a different real estate transaction; Chad Rogers (who works for Paris Hilton's father) won $746,098.85 from Loggans over an allegedly unpaid commission and associated attorneys' fees for an earlier sale of a Malibu beachfront home.

14209 Evans Road property listing [Realtor.com]
14209 Evans Road [Google Map]
Pumping Up Arnold's House [Wall Street Journal ($)]
Arbitration demand: Loggans v. Schwarzenegger [The Smoking Gun]
"'Schwarzenegger sold us a mouldy home for $8m'" [Telegraph (UK)]
"Paris Hilton's Daddy Scores Big in the Los Angeles Superior Court" [press release]
Pricey Real Estate & the Law[WSJ Law Blog]
Susan Loggans web site

* Senate approves broad new rules to try detainees. [New York Times; Bashman linkwrap]

* Senate House grandstands over Hewlett-Packard as most witnesses take Fifth; libertarians celebrate that time wasted is time not spent passing new appropriations. [New York Times; WaPo]

* Verizon Wireless piles on against H-P. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Observers suggest Supreme Court cases over abortion might be contentious. You think? [Legal Times]

* Dozen Iraqi journalists arrested under new law against criticism of government. See? They're already following in our footsteps up to the Alien and Sedition Acts! [New York Times]

* Belgium rules sifting of bank data illegal. [WaPo]

* California court hearing testimony over how many angels can dance on the pinhead of an anesthesized Death Row inmate. [Bashman linkwrap]

* Louisiana appellate court strikes down med-mal damages cap for failure to index to inflation, providing another excuse for doctors not to return to post-Katrina New Orleans. [Point of Law]

* New York Times writes thumbsucker on the Pirro marriage. [New York Times]

Justice Douglas played poker with FDR, as Justice Scalia noted in his refusal to recuse himself over his duck-hunting trips with Vice President Cheney. Scalia himself has a famous poker game that once included regular attendees Justice Rehnquist and William Bennett. Judge Kozinski often hosts poker nights for law students when he's on the road. Blogging law professors Stephen Bainbridge, Victor Fleischer, and Josh Wright have admitted to the poker jones. Northwestern professor Steven Lubet tried to cash in on the Father's Day market with his book Lawyers' Poker: 52 Lessons that Lawyers Can Learn from Card Players, which is getting recent publicity. And I'm reliably informed that once upon a time before they got cold feet, the DC office of O'Melveny & Myers had a summer-associate program where a bus was chartered to Atlantic City, and attorneys played intense hold 'em games on the ride using $100-bills as chips.

Other poker-playing attorneys are more noted for their poker-playing. Greg Raymer had a day-job as a patent attorney at Pfizer when he took down the $5,000,000 first place prize at the World Series of Poker main event tournament in 2004; as Evan Schaeffer noted, years earlier, Raymer suggested that attorneys made better poker players.

Another poker-playing attorney is Russell Rosenblum, a former Kirkland & Ellis summer associate. Rosenblum has his own real estate practice in Maryland, owns a handful of Five Guys burger franchises, has enough incriminating photos of Washingtonian magazine editors to get five separate mentions in the magazine (including two profiles) in the last five years, and has a couple of six-digit prizes for final-table finishes in big poker tournaments, including the 2002 World Series of Poker main event.

Know other notable poker-playing law-talking people? And are Republicans really better players than Democrats? Play along in the comments.

Good morning. David Lat is in Bumrungrad International Hospital in Bangkok, Thailand for the weekend for what has been euphemistically called "elective surgery." Rest assured, D-Lat will return Monday, safe, sound, and happy to blog, if having to sit on a comfy pillow to do so, and we should all be supportive of the very difficult decisions involved.

In the interim, Lat has asked me to fill in a few posts this Friday, and I'll start by introducing myself. My name is Ted Frank. Some fifteen years ago, I correctly identified the sequence at which Victoria, William, Xavier, Yolanda, and Zachary were seated at a circular table, filled in all corresponding ovals correctly, and was rewarded with a wheelbarrow of money to attend law school in a variety of bad neighborhoods in Connecticut and Massachusetts and Illinois. Because law interested me as a public-policy mechanism, I picked up a copy of The Economics of Justice while I was in a Chicago bookstore visiting that school, and smitten enough to decide to go there on what they called a "Public Service Scholarship." A year of clerking and a dozen years of BigLaw taught me that litigation incentives actually create miserable public-policy results, and I've been writing about this problem on Walter Olson's Overlawyered blog since 2003 and the Point of Law blog since 2004. In 2005, the American Enterprise Institute invited me to run their Liability Project directing research on the tort system and its effects; it's a pay-cut, but the issue is important to me, and then there's the whole Jewish guilt thing over not yet having done the public service I had hypothetically been awarded a scholarship for. And all of this has culminated in today's guest-blogging opportunity on Above the Law, surely the highlight of my career, and worth a tenth of a point if Lat ever scores my wedding. More after the jump.

ATL sends its warmest congratulations to Judge Diarmuid F. O'Scannlain,* of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit! This month, Judge O'Scannlain celebrates twenty years on the federal bench. During two decades of distiinguished service, Judge O'Scannlain has established himself as a shining star in the federal judicial firmament.**

We had the honor and pleasure of clerking for Judge O'Scannlain during the 1999-2000 judicial year. He was a wonderful boss to us and our co-clerks, and he continues to be a great mentor and friend to this day. (He's also quite handsome, in a Paul Newman sort of way; see photo at right.)

This weekend, Judge O'Scannlain is celebrating his federal judicial "anniversary" with a reunion of his law clerks. In a few hours, we'll be leaving for the airport to catch a flight to Portland, Oregon.

We'll be spending much of today in an airplane. But fear not, ATL readers: we have arranged for a brilliant and hilarious guest blogger to entertain you in our absence. We'll be back over the weekend or on Monday.

Happy Friday!

* Not that you'd be calling him by his first name (unless you're a fellow Article III judge), but in case you're curious, "Diarmuid" is pronounced DEER-mid. See here. "O'Scannlain" is pronounced o-SCAN-lin.

** Also celebrating his 20th judicial anniversary this month: Justice Antonin Scalia, a good friend of Judge O'Scannlain (and regular recipient of O'Scannlain clerks in his chambers). Justice Scalia received his commission as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court on September 25, 1986; Judge O'Scannlain received his Ninth Circuit commission the following day.

* We were taught growing up that when someone pays you a compliment, the appropriate response is gratitude. So thank you, QuizLaw!

Unlike those grumpy feminists -- e.g., Jessica Valenti, adversary of Ann Althouse -- we soak up compliments graciously. And we enjoy being objectified. Toward that end, here's a shirtless photo of us. [QuizLaw]

* Call us un-American and terrible human beings, but we really don't like dogs -- not even to eat. So we support the idea of subjecting them to criminal punishment. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Oh, and we don't like cats, either. [ABC 7 News]

* Chicago-Kent law students: When Professor William Birdthistle isn't teaching you the finer points of securities regulation, he's getting drunk off his ass enjoying -- or at least writing about -- the world's most expensive cocktails.** [Forbes]

* This video is really more weird (borderline creepy) than it is funny. But the production values are excellent -- especially for a law student council campaign video. [Concurring Opinions]

* Howard K. Stern, lawyer-cum-paramour of Anna Nicole Smith, may actually be a pretty shrewd attorney. He certainly knows his Bahamian family law. [PerezHilton]

* SCOTUS spouse we'd most like to grab drinks with: Martin Ginsburg. Close second: Martha Alito.*** [TaxProf Blog (2nd paragraph)]

* Apparently we're not the only ones who are intrigued by Brian Leiter. [PrawfsBlawg]

** Please don't misinterpret our good-natured ribbing of Professor Birdthistle, a former co-clerk and one of our closest friends.

*** We're serious about this. Sources tell us that the nation got a very erroneous picture of Martha Alito from her husband's confirmation hearings, when she fled the hearing room in tears. Apparently she's a blast to hang out with and has a great sense of humor.

1. They're both having A REALLY CRAPPY Thursday.

2. They both like to SPY ON OTHER PEOPLE (e.g., fellow board members, husbands).

3. OMG: They have THE EXACT SAME HAIRSTYLE!!!

(Gavel bang: David Minkin)

Hearings Open on H.P.’s Spying: Patricia Dunn Testifies [New York Times]
Pirro Hits Trail After Inquiry Emerges [New York Times]
Jeanine Pirro: Probe Me? Probe You! [Gawker]
Only in New York: Jeanine Pirro, Non-Discreet Stalker [Jossip]

We are guilty of dereliction of duty. We've neglected to write about the Hewlett-Packard leak investigation scandal, now unfolding in all of its glory before Congress. (Yes, that Congress: a body that knows all about unethical behavior, illegal conduct, and mind-blowing stupidity.)

We've been avoiding this scandal for two main reasons. First, it's a story that Peter Lattman and the WSJ Law Blog have really owned from the get-go. In fact, today Lattman is hanging out in Washington -- our usual base of operations -- to cover the House committee hearings on Capitol Hill. (Guess we've traded places; we're up here in New York, a few blocks away from Lattman's office.)

Second, L'Affaire HP has been such a total s**t show -- from the very start, but somehow managing to get worse each day -- that blogging about it presents no challenge. There's very little opportunity for us to add value. Reading wire reports about the scandal is already pretty mortifying (and entertaining). Do you really need a side order of obnoxious commentary when the entree itself is so rich?

But HP is the big news story of the day. It's one that our big brother is covering extensively. And we've received a bunch of emails asking for our thoughts on it. So fine, we will write about the HP spying scandal.

Actually, guess what? We just did. Fancy that!

DealBreaker's HP coverage
WSJ Law Blog's HP coverage
House Pursues Inquiry as H.P. Counsel Quits [New York Times]

Last week we wrote about the A-team of legal talent that Assistant Attorney General Kenneth L. Wainstein is assembling over at the Justice Department's new National Security Division. Wainstein's top hires include several members of the Elect, including high-flying legal eagles Brett Gerry (Silberman/Kennedy) and John Demers (O'Scannlain/Scalia).

A press release issued this morning announces Kenneth Wainstein's other front office hires. And they include two brilliant and beautiful women (whom we have had the pleasure of meeting): Kathryn Haun (left), counsel to the AAG, and Jessie Liu (right), deputy chief of staff.

Those who followed UTR's Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary contest -- which, by the way, we will be reinstituting here at ATL -- may recall Haun. She's the blonde hottie who was photographed wrapping her arms around her former boss, Ninth Circuit judge Alex Kozinski (click here, scroll down). Back then we compared Haun to Naomi Watts; but upon further reflection, we're thinking Cybill Shepherd.

Don't let Haun's dazzling beauty -- a beauty that has ensnared multiple male members of the Elect -- distract you from her accomplishments. Haun is one of the Elect herself, having clerked for Justice Anthony M. Kennedy. She was also an associate at Sidley & Austin, and most recently was an assistant U.S. attorney in the Eastern District of Virginia (a post she is being detailed from to come to the NSD).

Liu, who will be Ken Wainstein's deputy chief of staff, is similarly high-powered. Her gleaming resume includes Harvard College, Yale Law School, a clerkship with Chief Judge Carolyn Dineen King (5th Cir.), and a stint at Jenner & Block. Most recently, Liu was an assistant U.S. attorney in the District of Columbia, where she acquired a wealth of trial experience.

The luminous Liu and her disturbingly brilliant husband, law professor Michael Abramowicz -- see NYT wedding announcement here -- have two children. Great job, great husband, great kids. Who says you can't have it all?*

Congratulations to Katie Haun, Jessie Liu, and Ken Wainstein's entire team at the NSD!

* But please don't hate Liu for her charmed life; she's also one of the nicest and most wonderful human beings you'll ever meet.

Kenneth L. Wainstein Sworn in As First Assistant Attorney General for National Security Division [DOJ press release]

Earlier: Congratulations to Ken Wainstein!

This just in: A possible sighting of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg!!!

I have an unconfirmed rumor that RBG was at the Kennedy Center's performance last night of Sophie's Choice: The Opera. Can you confirm this? Apparently the justice has been spotted before at the opera there.

Such a sighting would not surprise us. Justice Ginsburg's love of the opera is well-known. It's an interest she shares in common with her jurisprudential opposite, Justice Antonin Scalia, and the two jurists bond over it. They have even made cameo, non-singing appearances in various D.C. opera performances over the years.

So it would not surprise us to learn that Justice Ginsburg was at the Washington National Opera last night. Earlier this month, Ruthie was sighted at the company's opening night gala dinner.

If you can confirm this sighting, please email us (and we will update this post if and when we receive such confirmation). Thanks.

We doubt we'll check out "Sophie's Choice" once we're back in Washington. As DCist notes, the work "met with considerable critical disapproval after its 2002 world premiere in London." The Washington Post's recent review of the D.C. production calls it "a study in endurance" -- at three and a half hours, with only one intermission.

If Justice Ginsburg went to "Sophie's Choice," did she enjoy herself? We hope that, at the very least, she didn't fall asleep -- as she did during an oral argument last Term

Even if the production may be problematic, we do like this quip from the programme notes of the London staging: "Life is messy, like masturbation."

Justice Ginsburg, can you please pass the Kleenex?

Friedkin Toasts Opera Stars' Talent [Washington Times]
Sophie's Choice Opens Tonight [DCist]Opera Review: Sophie's Choice [Guardian Unlimited]
A Searing Sophie's Choice: WNO's Production Is A Study in Endurance [Washington Post]
That White Ruffle Thing Is Great for Catching Drool [Wonkette]

Hey, it's not yet noon -- so we can still call this "Morning Docket."

(Sorry for the delay. But if you care about actual legal news, as opposed to our crude musings on them, you really should go here or here instead.)

* BREAKING: Ann Baskins just resigned as general counsel of HP. And her lawyer, K. Lee Blalack 2nd of O’Melveny & Myers, said that she will not answer questions at today's congressional hearings into the HP leak investigation scandal. [New York Times]

* Apparently Namibia is good for things other than harboring baby-bearing celebrities. Kobi Alexander -- who is not an NBA player, but the ex-CEO of Comverse Technology -- has been found in the African nation. As you may recall, after he was indicted on federal criminal charges arising out of alleged options backdating, Alexander became a fugitive. [Wall Street Journal via WSJ Law Blog]

* Not all internet sickos are creepy white men like John Mark Karr. There are a few ladies out there, too. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette via How Appealing]

* Federal prosecutors are looking into whether Jeanine Pirro, anti-porn prosecutrix and the Republican candidate for New York attorney general, illegally taped conversations of her husband, to figure out if he was having (another) affair. Her partner in (possible) crime: Bernard Kerik, the former New York City police commissioner and ill-fated pick for DHS Secretary. [New York Times]

(Anyone have a link to the tapes? We heard them on the news this morning, and Pirro repeatedly drops the F-bomb. It's pretty awesome.)

* The long and tortuous path to legislation governing the treatment of terror detainees may be reaching an end -- and not a moment too soon, since this story is kinda hard to follow. And a bit boring. And torture generally doesn't lend itself to humor opportunities. But see here. [New York Times; How Appealing (linkwrap)]

* We described the HP leak investigation scandal as a "made-for-television movie" well before Rep. Dianna Degette (D. Colo.) did. [WSJ Law Blog]

For those of you in the New York area, our current location -- we're up visiting from Washington, DC -- here's an event next month you might be interested in:

Sunday - Tuesday, October 22-24, 2006
Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law

Three-day conference: "Jews and the Legal Profession", at 55 Fifth Avenue at 12th Street.

Participants include Alan Dershowitz, Stuart Eizenstat, and many others. For more information and registration, please e-mail xxx@yahoo.com or call 212-xxx-xxxx.

Other conferences you might enjoy:

-- "Japanese Chefs and Sushi Preparation"

-- "Koreans and the Dry Cleaning Industry"

-- "Filipinos and the Domestic Arts"

We're sticking to the Asians 'cause, well, that's what we are.*

Here is the conference's website. We suggest that the organizers reach out to the "Jews and Web Page Design" crew.

Jews and the Legal Profession [Cardozo Law School]

* Three notes of preemptive defense: (1) it's not "racist" to note that certain racial or ethnic groups make up a disproportionate percentage of a particular profession or industry; (2) this is less objectionable than a lot of material you'd see on The Daily Show, SNL, etc.; (3) we are not commenting, negatively or positively, on the contributions Jews have made to the legal profession. We're merely suggesting that, in the grand scheme of things, there are more urgent topics out there to hold conferences about. Thank you.

We realize this gossip is several days old. But we don't check Brian Leiter's site as often as we should -- 'cause we're always afraid of going there and finding something mildly critical to downright nasty about us. We're quite good at loathing ourselves; we don't need others to pitch in.

But better late than never. Here's the juicy rumor:

Yale Law School may experience a wave of departures. James Whitman's going to New York (NYU or Columbia), Alec Stone Sweet is flirting with Columbia and Stanford, Kenji Yoshino will follow Whitman to one or the other, Reva Siegel and Robert Post are visiting at Harvard and one of them really wants to go.

Interesting stuff. Can anyone confirm or provide further detail? If so, please drop us a line.

We are loyal alumni of Yale Law School (and just sent our modest annual contribution their way). But we are kinda curious about how Dean Harold Koh would spin such a loss of talent.

Every time we hear Dean Koh speak, he goes on -- at great length -- about YLS's latest hiring coups (which we're not faulting him for; it's his job). So it would be interesting to attend an alumni event with Dean Koh and ask, during the Q-and-A session: "Hey Harold, what's up with all these high-profile departures? Why is Yale losing great legal minds in droves? Is New Haven really so awful these days?"

Disclosure: We had Professor Leiter for Evidence in law school, when he was visiting Yale from Texas. He was very pleasant and mild-mannered. Based on his classroom demeanor, you'd have no idea he was so skilled at ripping people new ones on the internet (e.g., Jonathan Adler (aka Juan Non-Volokh), Ann Althouse, etc.). It's interesting how the "web personalities" of so many bloggers differ from their "in-person personalities."

Further Observation: We think it would violate some sort of educational privacy law for Professor Leiter to blog about how we actually sucked in his Evidence class, that we didn't deserve the "H" he gave us, etc.

"Wave of departures" from Yale Law School Imminent? [Brian Leiter's Law School Reports]
Brian R. Leiter bio [University of Texas at Austin]

Oooh boy. Last night we read the extensive coverage of Anna Nicole Smith in the latest issue of US Weekly, focused on the (still mysterious) death of her 20-year-old son, Daniel. So we thought we were pretty caught up on ANS developments.

But this morning we received this breaking news, about an attorney-client "relationship" that went, er, beyond the scope of the original representation. From CNN:

An attorney representing former Playboy Playmate and reality television star Anna Nicole Smith said Tuesday he is the father of her daughter, born earlier this month in the Bahamas.

Howard K. Stern added that he plans to marry Smith.

"Anna and I have been in a relationship and we love each other, and it's been going on for a very long time, and because of my relationship as her lawyer, we felt that it was best to keep everything hidden."

"Hidden"? Did any of you watch "The Anna Nicole Smith Show"?

Okay, that was rhetorical. But we did -- at least the first season. And based on what we saw, the possibility that Smith and Stern might have been more than just attorney and client was definitely in "plain view." It certainly seemed that, regardless of Smith's feelings, Stern was definitely into her (and that was before she lost all the TrimSpa weight; now she looks fabulous).

So we're not TOO surprised to learn of hanky-panky going on between Smith and Stern (even if it may have violated legal ethics rules). But we do question whether Stern is the father of Smith's newborn daughter, Danilynne. (Origin, per Stern: "where that comes from is that Daniel used to call Anna or his mom Mamma Lynne.") Here's why:

Entertainment reporter and photographer Larry Birkhead also claims to be the father of the girl, named Danilynne Hope. In a statement, Birkhead said Smith told him he is the child's father, and that he has proof.

He said he accompanied Smith to doctors' appointments until a "minor disagreement" took place while she was pregnant. He suggested a DNA test be conducted to determine the child's paternity. He also made similar comments to "Entertainment Tonight."

Well! In terms of Hollywood trends, place "Paternity Confusion" under the "In" column. First we hear the rumor that Suri Cruise is actually Chris Klein's kid. And now we have no clue as to who fathered Smith's spawn.

Stern, for his part, insists that the child is his. But he took the Fifth on whether Smith and Birkhead had a sexual relationship:

LARRY KING: To your knowledge were they ever intimate?

HOWARD STERN: You know that's something I don't even want to get into when we're talking about Daniel's death. I just don't think this is the time for it. [Read: YES.]

KING: But does it give you concern that there might be a shot that the DNA might exclude you or is there no doubt that you're the father?

STERN: I think based on the timing of it that there shouldn't be a doubt. [Read: I will try to prevent a paternity test.]

We're going to withhold judgment until we see some DNA evidence. If it's good enough to get prisoners off of death row, it's good enough to determine the daddy of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.

Attorney: I'm Anna Nicole's baby's father [CNN]
Howard K. Stern Actually Slept With Anna Nicole Smith [Gawker]

Technical difficulties persist. Yes, we have heard about Anna Nicole Smith, triumphant Supreme Court litigant, and her lawyer-cum-lover, Howard K. Stern. We will be chiming in on that shortly.

In the meantime, here are links to recent posts that seem to have "disappeared":

-- The Paris Hilton of the Federal Judiciary: Judge Alex Kozinski!

-- Clerkship Application Fun: Judge Danny Boggs's "General Knowledge Test"

-- Julie Buxbaum: Million Dollar Baby

-- Lawyerly Lairs: Professor Smit's Uptown Mansion

-- Non-Sequiturs: 09.26.06

If you happen to have additional links for some of our missing posts -- we'd put their titles on milk cartons if we could -- please let us know.

No, it's not Monday all over again. Yes, our website content is experiencing that "not so fresh" feeling right now. Our posts from the past two days appear to be AWOL.

We are aware of the problem, and hopefully these posts should be reappearing sometime soon. They still exist, in the ether of the internet; so if you have the permalinks, you can still access them. They're just not on the main page. (Long story, we'll spare you the details.)

Speaking of one of the "vanished" posts -- Clerkship Application Fun: Judge Danny Boggs's "General Knowledge Test" -- we have a correction to make. Yesterday we reported as follows:

Is Judge Boggs's trivia quiz the most odd law-clerk screening device? Actually, maybe not. This year, Judge Roger Gregory of the Fourth Circuit had clerkships applicants do a cold reading of a play during their interviews. To clerk, or not to clerk? That is the question.

Sadly, we've learned that Judge Gregory does NOT make all clerkship interviewees demonstrate their thespianic abilities in front of him. Rather, he only asked one applicant -- who listed acting experience on her resume -- to do the cold reading. How disappointing!

Job seekers, there is a moral to this story: Don't lie on your resume. Yes, it's obvious -- even though surveys show the practice is widespread. But there is an entirely self-interested, Machiavellian reason for honesty: You could very well get busted during an interview.

You might think to yourself: "Hey, why shouldn't I list Tagalog on my resume? Sure, I don't know a single word. But what are the chances I'll be asked to speak any?" But when the judge's Filipino secretary says "magandang gabi" as you walk through the door, you know you're screwed...

And definitely don't list "knife juggling" on your resume if you don't possess this skill. Many judges' chambers, as well as many law firms, have small kitchens -- with complete knife collections. Getting called on your dishonesty could be a very painful experience.

Earlier: Clerkship Application Fun: Judge Danny Boggs's "General Knowledge Test"

We're having a bit of a slow morning (as well as technical issues), for which we apologize. Please bear with us.

Today we're traveling -- not just leaving our apartment, which is a form of travel, but actually visiting another city in another state. Crazy, we know.

Unfortunately, our internet connection is experiencing "issues."* So we may need to go in search of a Starbucks.

In the meantime, while you wait for us to slap up new procrastination material, why not explore our archives, to see what we've written in the past about your favorite law firm or judge? Click here, then scroll down -- no, farther down -- for the category listings.

Or, better yet, why not take our reader survey? You can access the survey via the links in this post. The good news is that we should soon have the number of responses that we need, at which point we will stop bothering you about this. Thanks!

* A quintessentially "New York" story. We once went to an Asian fusion restaurant in Manhattan with a group of friends. One person didn't like her soup, perhaps too adventurous for her tastes (she was from what some of you call "flyover country"). So another friend calls over the waitress and says: "Excuse me, but would she perhaps be able to get something else? She's having some 'issues' with her soup."

(Said "issues" were quickly resolved with the provision of a salad to the discontented diner.)

Earlier: Survey Says: "Please Do Me!"
Fun With Surveys: Show Us How Smart You Are

Yesterday we put out a call for submissions for Lawyerly Lairs. We look forward to your responses. In the meantime, here's some real estate porn that we were able to obtain on our own -- since the property in question is for sale.

The Schinasi Mansion is the only freestanding single-family mansion in Manhattan. It dates back to 1909, boasts 12,000 square feet of living space, and sits on swanky Riverside Drive. It is currently on the market for an eye-popping $29,000,000.

Here's a shot of its French Renaissance, white marble exterior:

So who owns this Mother of All Townhouses? A senior partner at a top Biglaw firm -- who also married very well? An ex-lawyer who left for the world of finance, to become a managing director at an investment bank or a partner at a successful hedge fund?

Actually, no. The $29 million mansion is owned by -- brace yourselves, people -- a legal academic. It's home to Professor Hans Smit (at right), who teaches civil procedure and international law at Colubmia. Guess those private law school salaries must be pretty good!

Actually, there's a backstory -- and no, Professor Smit didn't win the $315 million Mega Millions jackpot. Check out the details, as well as more drool-worthy pictures, after the jump.

Actually, no. But Matthew Thiessen, lead singer of the Christian pop-punk band Relient K, bears a striking resemblance to Philip Alito, Justice Samuel A. Alito's handsome college-age son.

Check out the photo montage at right. The two pictures on the left are of Phil Alito; the two pics on the right are of Matt Thiessen. Both are pale and pretty boys, with light- to reddish-brown hair, and delicate facial features.

If you STILL question the resemblance, we refer you to the music video for Relient K's hit single, "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" (see below). It's a delightful song. And in the video, Thiessen -- who was surely subjected to a makeover by a stylist -- looks especially Alito-licious. Enjoy!

Relient K [official website]
The Alito Children: In Their Own Words [UTR]

* Who is the hottest dean? Your nominations are needed.

(At right: A portrait of Howard Dean as a young man. Seriously.)

* Who is the Paris Hilton of the federal judiciary?

* Are you a professor at a private law school? If so, how much money do you make?

* Why are those Florida judges always getting themselves into trouble?

* It's interview season -- for law firm jobs, judicial clerkships, etc. Do you know the do's and don'ts of interviewing?

* Legal Eagle Wedding Watch: It's a tie!

* Congratulations to Alice Fisher and Ken Wainstein, who were (finally) confirmed by the Senate as, respectively, heads of the DOJ's Criminal Division and National Security Division.

* Outstanding Discovery Requests: Handicapping the Race to Partnership, Skaddenfreude (Academic Salaries), Internal Memos.

Some random reading recommendations, which don't have much to do with law. But that's what weekends are for, right?

* Suffering from Entourage withdrawal? Read about a real-life agent dumping (by Jim Carrey). [Defamer]

* Suffering from Project Runway withdrawal, since there was no new episode this week? Get your hands on the New Yorker's fantastic fashion issue. The profile of Diane von Furstenberg -- by Larissa MacFarquhar, who once profiled Judge Richard Posner -- is especially worthwhile. So is Andrea Lee's article about high-end handbags ("The Bag Lady"). [New Yorker (table of contents; most articles not online)]

* Suffering from Harriet Miers withdrawal? Head over to the blog of Cardinal Sean P. O’Malley, Archbishop of Boston. Then run a search (ctrl-F) for "LOL." [Cardinal Seán’s Blog via New York Times]

Okay, maybe he should be "Judge of Yesterday," since this was in yesterday's paper (and was picked up by How Appealing yesterday too). But it's Saturday, and we're still working hard to entertain you, so stop your quibbling.

A judge who repeatedly viewed pornography on the computer in his chambers apologized Friday after receiving a public reprimand from the Florida Supreme Court for violating judicial ethics.

Circuit Judge Brandt C. Downey III of Clearwater told the high court he was "sorry" after Chief Justice R. Fred Lewis called his conduct "truly shocking" and an embarrassment to his friends, his family, the judiciary and the citizens of Florida.

It may have been, er, somewhat imprudent for Judge Downey to check out porn in chambers. But at the risk of sounding like libertines, we have to ask: What's the big deal? Millions of Americans enjoy pornography.

As for the workplace aspect, we say: If he's keeping up with his judicial workload, who cares about de minimis use of his computer for, um, other activities? Is it that different from, say, making flight arrangements online for your Hawaiian vacation, while on your lunch break?

To put it another way: What's wrong with a judge admitting he shares something in common with at least 14 percent of American men? (A figure that's surely on the low side, due to the study's reliance upon self-reporting.)

What's next? Judges getting censured for banging their own gavels? What century are we living in? Or, for that matter, what country -- a theocracy?

[At the hearing, Judge Downey] added that he believes God has forgiven him. He said his family and friends also have forgiven him and urged him to seek re-election, but he declined to avoid further embarrassment and publicity, Downey said.

So we don't think judicial porn viewing is such a big deal. These allegations are far more problematic:

Downey allegedly showed inordinate interest in a young state attorney, asking her to approach the bench to tell her that she "looked nice today."

He also was accused of asking another female lawyer to approach the bench for personal conversation and sending her an e-mail saying "it was nice seeing u in court looking so pretty."

"What were you thinking?" Lewis asked.

Using "u" instead of "you" in an email? Now THAT warrants censure.

(Final observation: What is up with these Florida state court judges? See Wednesday's Judge of the Day.)

Judge Apologizes, Gets Reprimand for Viewing Porn in Chambers [Associated Press via How Appealing]

Earlier: Judge of the Day: Richard Albritton Jr.

* "Bless him Father, for he has sinned": Msgr. John Woolsey made some unauthorized withdrawals from his church's collection plate, which he blew on golf vacations and Rolex watches. (Monsignor: A Rolex is so unoriginal. Why not, say, a nice Patek Philippe?) [Judicial Reports]

* Newly confirmed Tenth Circuit judge Neil M. Gorsuch -- a member of the Elect, former partner at the super-elite Kellogg Huber firm, and former Principal Deputy to the Associate Attorney General -- has a new book out. It's entitled The Future of Assisted Suicide and Euthanasia. We have no idea what it says; but it was probably smart of him to get confirmed before it was published. [How Appealing]

* Planning a trip to Ireland? Law professor William Birdthistle has some recommendations for you. [Forbes]

* Gov. Jon Corzine's picks for the New Jersey Supreme Court have cool names: James Zazzali, nominated to be the next Chief Justice, and Helen Hoens, nominated to fill Zazzali's vacated seat. We support Judge Hoens's nomination, 'cause we're suckers for alliteration. And assonance, too. [New York Times]

* This is a long and juicy article; we'll probably blog more about it later. For now, some key terms to whet your appetite: insider trading, ballroom dancing, trips to Cuba, BMWs, strippers. Oh, and a forklift operator. Don't forget the forklift operator. [Fortune via WSJ Law Blog]

Okay, so he's no Alice Fisher -- the ball-busting, badass blonde, recently confirmed to head the DOJ's Criminal Division, who has white-collar criminals shaking in their boots. But he's still a highly regarded attorney -- and pretty cute, too.

So ATL sends its congratulations to Kenneth L. Wainstein, just confirmed by the Senate as assistant attorney general for the Department's brand-new National Security Division (NSD). Previously Wainstein served as U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia.

The Wall Street Journal -- which criticized the Democrats for holding up Wainstein's nomination 4-evah -- describes Ken Wainstein's new job as follows:

Mr. Wainstein is waiting to fill a new post recommended in last year's Robb-Silberman report to further break down the "wall" between intelligence and law enforcement. The new post would bring Justice's counterespionage, counterintelligence and wiretapping units under one Assistant AG. Mr. Wainstein would also be the law enforcement world's primary liaison with the intelligence community.

President Bush approved the change, Congress authorized it while renewing the Patriot Act earlier this year, and Mr. Wainstein's offices are humming with computers. All that's missing is a leader.

Letting Wainstein go through was a smart move for the Democrats. We're no political strategists, but we do know this much: With an election just a few weeks away, it's unwise for the Democrats to hold up the nomination of someone with the words "National Security" in his title.

Wainstein, by the way, is putting together a real A-team of legal talent over at the NSD, including several members of the Elect. As we previously reported, one of them is conservative legal superstar Brett Gerry -- the Silbermaniac and former Kennedy clerk, who was associate general counsel to the Robb-Silberman commission. Also onboard: John Demers (O'Scannlain/Scalia), the affable legal genius who previously did a tour of duty with the Office of Legal Counsel (which works on many national security issues).

So congrats again to Ken Wainstein. And best of luck to his band of brainiacs, as they tackle some of the toughest issues facing our nation.

Kenneth Wainstein bio [WhiteHouse.gov]
Gonzales Statement on Confirmation of Ken Wainstein as Assistant Attorney General for National Security Division [DOJ Press Release]
Security Holdup [Wall Street Journal (subscription)]

Earlier: Congratulations to Alice Fisher!
The White House Counsel's Office: Here Comes the Cavalry

Lately you haven't been sending many legal celebrity sightings our way. C'mon, guys -- we know you can do better. If you harbor doubt as to who constitutes a "legal celebrity" in our book, please review this post.

Due to your delinquency, we'll have to resort to some rather hoary sightings. Here's the first, inspired by our recent post about legal hotshots chowing down:

As for food sightings, I hear that Leonard Leo has his own wine locker at Morton's. One day this past summer, he was there and Miguel Estrada was in the next booth.

For those of you outside the Beltway, Leonard Leo is Grand Poobah of the Federalist Society -- ringmaster of the good Senatrix's "vast right-wing conspiracy." Miguel Estrada -- aka "the kid from Teguicalpa" -- is the brilliant Latino lawyer, and former nominee to the celestial D.C. Circuit, who is often talked about as a possible SCOTUS nominee (in a Republican administration).

And what do great legal minds do to work off all those calories? Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, Judge Consuelo Callahan (9th Cir.), and Judge Kathleen Cardone (W.D. Tex.) are aerobics aficionados. And all three, coincidentally, used to teach it. Justice O'Connor led the female law clerks in aerobics at the Supreme Court; Judge Callahan was an instructor at Jack La Lanne Fitness in Stockton, California; and Judge Cardone led classes at EP Fitness in El Paso, Texas.

Meanwhile, Justice David Souter, feeder judges J. Harvie Wilkinson (4th Cir.) and Diarmuid F. O'Scannlain (9th Cir.), and ex-Judge Michael Chertoff (3d Cir.) enjoy running. And they're not the only ones:

An older sighting (March), but a good one. I was driving my car in Georgetown one Sunday morning behind a jogger (blue/black long spandex pants and windbreaker). He was trotting right down the middle of the street, leaving no opportunity to pass on either side.

We followed behind him for about 2 blocks, going an infuriating 4 mph. When he hits the end of the block, he turns and starts jogging the opposite way, and now he's heading straight in our direction. It was unmistakably Justice Stephen Breyer.

We commend Justice Breyer for his fitness regimen (which may explain why he's one of the more svelte of the justices). But please, Your Honor -- show some consideration for the motorists.

(Yeah, we know -- those brick sidewalks in Georgetown can be a real bitch. But remember the words of Nietzsche: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger.")

Remember the not-so-little secret we let you in on the other day: that all big law firms are pretty much the same?*

If you question that conventional wisdom, consider this interview tale:

I walked into an on-campus interview with a prominent DC firm. The interview room had a big window, and the interviewer must have been relying all day on the natural light coming through the window. So he had forgotten to turn the overhead light on. However, my interview was in the early evening.... The result was a dark room, with only one light on: a desk lamp, which happened to be shining directly into my face. It felt like an interrogation.

The interviewer himself didn't help matters. This partner looked like he hadn't slept in a week. He was dour and unfriendly. It was one of those lazy interviews, where the interviewer just lets you ask questions. So I asked my litany of innocuous, and boring, questions.

After a few, he tilted his head and said, "You know, none of those questions will do anything to distinguish our firm from any other major firm in DC." Taken aback, and a bit annoyed, I replied, "Well then, what really does set your firm apart?"

He paused in thought. Then he said, "Not much really. I can't think of anything." I pressed him, asking, "Why did you decide to join [this firm]?" "Oh, I don't know. A bunch of my friends went there, so I went too."

Hey, at least he was honest...

The interview went on for about ten more painful minutes. As I was about to leave, the interviewer said, "You know, I guess if there's one thing that really does set our firm apart, it's the people. The people here are friendly and collegial and down-to-earth."

Umm, right....

* All the same except for Wachtell Lipton, which pays much better -- but where you work much harder.

Earlier: Prior Interview Horror Stories (scroll down)

In response to our recent request for information about academic salaries, a number of you reminded us that the salaries of many professors at state law schools are already publicly available. We had a vague recollection of this, but were too lazy to dig up links. Thankfully, a number of you did that for us.

Here they are (from the ever-helpful TaxProf Blog):

--the top 10 law school professor salaries at the University of Michigan;

--the top 10 law school professor salaries at the University of California (various campuses); and

--the top 10 law school professor salaries at the University of Virginia.

On the Michigan data, one reader had this commentary:

Michigan is home to a number of the Elect, including (1) Daniel Halberstam (Wald/Souter), who I think is married to Nina Mendelson Ellen Katz [Ed. note: See this comment, and this NYT wedding announcement.]; (2) Joan Larsen (Sentelle/Scalia); and (3) Richard Primus (Calabresi/Ginsburg).

All of them kind of fall on the low end of the pay scale: $163,000 (Halberstam), $114,240 (Larsen), $140,000 (Primus). Do those shining gems not require corporeal nourishment, and so forgo food budgeted into their salaries?

In light of the abundance of information about legal academic salaries at public law schools, consider our earlier request for information modified. We're still interested in hearing about how much law school professors and deans -- especially hot deans -- take home. But if you have information on a non-state law school, we're far more interested in that.

As always, you can submit the information via email (subject line: Skaddenfreude). And as always, you have our undying gratitude.

Law Prof Salaries at Michigan [TaxProfBlog (also includes, as a PDF file, a table showing all U. Mich. law salaries)]
More on Law Prof Salaries [TaxProfBlog]
TOP UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA EMPLOYEE SALARIES [SFGate.com via TaxProfBlog]
Ten Highest Paid University of California Law Faculty [Brian Leiter's Law School Reports]

Earlier: Skaddenfreude: Academic Salaries, Please

Our series on Interview Horror Stories has released a wave of funny interview anecdotes throughout the blogosphere. In addition to yesterday's amusingly awkward anecdote from David Bernstein, check out Eric Muller's two contributions: a funny-but-evil law firm story, and a butt-clenchingly mortifying faculty job talk story (anecdote #2).

And now, our latest funny/embarrassing interview story, courtesy of a kind reader:

I was interviewing mostly with Boston firms. Inevitably I was asked about my Denver-heavy resume, and I had developed a whole spiel about why I wanted to work in Boston. On my last interview of the day, the interviewers asked the resume question right out of the gate.

I launched into my nearly memorized response: "Rest assured, my desire to work in Boston is sincere. I've been in Boston for college and law school. I love it here. There's a rhythm and a dynamism here that you just don't find out West. I have a real connection with the city, and frankly, I can't imagine practicing law anywhere but Boston."

The two interviewers looked at each other, then at me. Then they reminded me that they were, in fact, from a Silicon Valley firm. I did not get a callback.

(For the record, everything worked out. I did end up practicing in Boston for several years, before the lure of home brought me back to Denver.)

Good stuff. Have your own interview horror story that you'd be willing to share? Please email us. We define "horror" loosely; we're just looking for stories that pass the "mildly amusing" test. We will omit your name and any firm names, unless you request otherwise. Thankee kindly.

Law Faculty Hiring Horror Stories [Is That Legal?]
My "Most Unethical Law Firm Interview" Story [Is That Legal?]
My Funniest Law Firm Interview Story [Volokh Conspiracy]

Earlier: Prior Interview Horror Stories (scroll down)

Voter turnout in our ATL reader poll, Who Is the Paris Hilton of the Federal Judiciary?, has been surprisingly good. Not as good as turnout in our ERISA Hotties Contest; but certainly stronger than the anemic response to the August 2006 Couple of the Month survey.

If you haven't already voted, you can review the field and cast your ballot by clicki