I particularly enjoy the allegations of microwave testing and the pledge of allegiance to Al Qaeda.

-- I mean, second --

Sell dogs on eBay, use the $ to buy Iranian missiles. Sounds plausible to me. What makes you so sure this guy's nuts?

Not sure why he wants the money delivered to the front gates of the prison. He must be planning one hell of a Dorito party at the prison commisary. Mmmmmmm, (prison) Doritos.

Merck, this is actually hilarious. Job well done.

Except the post shows up halfway down the page on my computer.

I loved the copyright mark after his name...

Best. Lawsuit. Ever.

Looks like this guy has a history...

Trial of the Century
Brian Howard

We don't know much about Jonathan Lee Riches. According to a 2004 Houston Chronicle article, the current resident of the Federal Correctional Institution Williamsburg in Salters, S.C., pleaded guilty to his involvement in an identity theft/credit card fraud ring.

But we do know this: The guy's a comic genius. Dude penned perhaps the most engrossing and amusing legal document ever. Faint praise? You be the judge (download full PDF).

On March 9, Riches filed a prisoner civil rights suit (2:06-cv-01055-LP) in Philadelphia's U.S. District Court complete with a 57-page defendant list crammed with luminaries both living (President Bush, Grace Jones) and dead (George Orwell, Malcolm X), as well as nonentities like the Magna Carta, www.accuweather.com and Skittles candy (see list below). It's a magnificent, flowing piece of free-association blame-core.

A source at the court tells us that this sort of filing comes along every once in a while and that it's likely it will be thrown out long before it goes to trial.

Which is a shame. We'd really like to see these people in town pleading their cases.

Selected defendants in the case of Riches v. Bush et al.

George W. Bush, Hillary Rodham Clinton, James Hoffa, www.google.com, Pope Benedict XVI, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, John Deere, www.accuweather.com, Adolf Hitler's National Socialist Party, Roc-A-Fella Records, Shawn Carter (doing business at Jay-Z), Japan's Nikkei Stock Exchange, Gambino (crime family), Three Mile Island, Tony Danza, Islamic Republic of Iran, University of Miami, GEICO Insurance, Jewish State of Israel, Soledad O'Brien, Tsunami victims, The American Red Cross, Jessica Alba, Charles Moose, al-Qaida Islamic Arm,Fruit of A-Loom [sic], Outback Steakhouse, Donald J. Trump, Chris Berman, Shawn John Combs (doing business as Puff Daddy, doing business as Mr. Ditty [sic]), Vincent K. McMahon, Meals on Wheels, Saddam Hussein, Jewish workers at NBC/Universal, Elizabeth Smart, The Panama Canal Commission, Kelly Clarkston [sic], 13 tribes of Israel, Plato, Lincoln Memorial, Boris Becker, Various Buddhist monks, Christina Applegate, Jewish Mossad, National Vanguard Books, Mein Kampf, Venus Williams, Medieval Times, Denny's, Brotherhood of the Snake, Larry King, Larry King Live 9 p.m., Rastafarian natives, National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, Ulluminati [sic], Wu-Tang Clan, Wu Wear Inc., Nordic gods, The Da Vinci Code, Sears Tower, Mike Tyson, Native American Fish Society, Green Bay's Lambeau Field, Pizza Hut, Ming Dynasty, Barry Bonds, Gangs in Hong Kong, Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, National Hockey League Players' Association, Philadelphia Eagles (2005 roster, including Donovan McNabb), The Waffle House …

It just goes on like this. We're working around the clock to bring you the entire defendant list which you can read at www.citypaper.net.

Wow, this is fantastic. Those prisoners never cease to amaze me.

I can't believe this guy thinks his name is copyrighted....note the little "c" in a circle after his last name everywhere he uses it?

"physically hurting my feelings" lol

I wonder if my firm will approve a pro bono appeal for this guy.

he has more suits elsewhere too!

In the best of all possible Super Bowl commerical worlds, this lawsuit would answer the question, "What can brown do for you?"

I miss prison sex.

Can someone find some of Merck's lawsuits?

The main problem I see with the suit is the plaintiff’s standing to bring it, or to paraphrase today’s earlier ATL post that he has “a dog in this fight”….

Leave to amend?

This guy should be released early for good behavior and funny material. Albeit those nerds at the bar association may not think his frivolous law suits are very funny.

http://dockets.justia.com/docket/court-nhdce/case_no-1:2007fp00212/case_id-31173/

Jonathan Lee Riches v. Jewish Mossad, US Central Intelligence Agency and Larry King Live

Must resist urge to pull the complaint off PACER . . .

sell dogs on ebay and purchase Iranian missles? Sounds reminiscent of the old Regan/Bush/Ollie North Days. Now, if there was only a miraculous hostage release

Now everyone can stop Merck-hating.

Merck - you are a God.

DELETE THIS ENTRY AND FORGET YOU EVER SAW THIS COMPLAINT. THIS MATTER IS A LOT DEEPER AND MORE SERIOUS THAN YOU PUNK KIDS MIGHT THINK. DO YOU WANT SIX MEN IN BLACK VISITING YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT? IF NOT I SUGGEST YOU THROW YOUR BURN YOUR COMPUTER INTO A JUNK YARD ASAP. YOUR LOCATIONS ARE ALREADY BEING TRACKED THROUGH THE GPS IN YOUR CELL PHONE. IF NOT BY US THEN CERTAINLY BY THE IRANIANS AND MOSSAD. I'M ONLY WRITING THIS FROM A LOCAL INTERNET CAFE TO HELP YOU. I COULD GET RUBBED OUT FOR DISCLOSING THIS TO YOU. SAVE YOURSELVES PEOPLE. SAVE YOURSELVES.
ALSO, PLEASE TELL THAT LOYOLA 2L PERSON TO STOP SENDING US HIS RESUME.

3:00 pm -- very well done.

I love that this guy has sued "Green Bay's Lambeau Field."

In some ways, Merck is like the Vick of Above the Law. Vastly overpayed and, 90% of the time, frustratingly stupid. But those rare occasions when something goes right are pretty great. This is to Merck what that touchdown run against the Vikings was to Vick.

AAWWWWWWWWWW how cute!

wow, this is the best dumb lawsuit since the Arm and Hammer Crack guy. fabulous find.

2:54 - pull the complaint.

Here is an excerpt:

Defendants are in a vast conspiracy to hijack my torso, 3 toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord New Hampshire.

Larry King Live is a voodoo witch doctor who stole my identity on Feb 25th 2003 and purchased lead paint, chips ahoy, Planters peanuts and zip lock bags under my identity. Distributed them to the CIA to microwave test my DNA.

Merck, you sure got your hands on this quick.

Wait a second ... is "Billy Merck" actually a clever pseudonym for Jonathan Lee Riches?

I think so, for two reasons:

1. No one has ever seen "Billy Merck" and Jonathan Lee Riches in the same place at the same time.

2. Billy Merck, too, has pledged allegiance to al Qaeda.

Purely coincidences? I seriously doubt it.

2:54 here

This dude makes the "Motion to Kiss My Ass" guy look sane and well-reasoned.

I'll give him that the complaint is absolutely hilarious. I, however, can't help myself but to agree with everyone calling Merck an idiot. Who tries to write some half-witty remarks on a work product by an insane person. Yeah, great analysis of Bivens and whether US currency is backed by gold and silver. What a dumb a$$, almost ruined my entire experience.

Dear Adam:

Even more sinister:

I belive that Merck is Lat.

How do you like them apples?

The fact that we don't have a Jonathan Lee Riches category or tag on ATL is criminal. This needs to be rectified.

Dear Merck Hater:

Writing comedy is all about putting yourself out there, taking the risk.

Merck is not an "idiot", and he has several home runs to his credit (e.g. the penultimate Halverson post, this post, and--aw, its Friday fer-cryin'out-loud-who can think.

I say, if you have the guts to put yourself out there and hope the people laugh, you a) would then have the right to criticize, but b) would not, because you could relate the the balls it takes to post humor to a national audience under your own name.

So with all due respect, if any, shut-up-or-put-up.

The board needs a "Who is more prestigious" Charney, Loyola 2L or Merck poll to settle this.

but L2L is NOT prestigious. that's his whole schtick.

That's why it would be so funny if he out-prestiges Merck.

That is easy but irrelevant.

This board is not about who is more "prestigious", although Loyola 2L has garnered some style points in his own right--if he even exists, and is not some kind of "Kilgore was here" collective manifestation.

Merck is putting himself out there on a national stage, Charney is a dirt bag whiner drumming up a phony suit (albeit entertaining, however unwittingly) and Loyola 2L (if he exists as a single person) has yet to do anything with his life yet.

ok. I say Merck's an idiot

Name Register
Number Age Race Sex Release Date
Actual / Projected Location

1. JONATHAN LEE RICHES 40948-018 30 White M 03-23-2012 WILLIAMSBURG FCI

Only 5 more years until he's out...just in time for the 2012 election! Is it too early to propose a Nader/Riches ticket??? His is just the kind of fresh outlook this country needs.

Hater-of-Merck-Hater: Right on, brother (or sister).

Hating on Merck in this thread is just proof of how far some worthless tools are willing to stretch in order to get their Merck-hating jollies.

Let's see. We have a person clearly suffering from severe and inadequately treated mental illness sitting in prison, which can't possibly be providing him even a quasi-decent environment. However, he does get to file lawsuits in his spare time.

...Yeah, that's funny as hell.

C'mon, guys, pick on the goofy theories of the average prisoner litigant all you want, but mocking the obviously schizophrenic? Can't you pick on a more challenging target, like Aquagirl?

http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2006-04-13/NC_FP_Lawsuit.pdf

Well worth the read.

Writing comedy to a national audience? For that I suggest Merck enters into a pen pal relationship with Mr. Riches and posts his responses for our mutual enjoyment. That's comedy and not figuring out whether an insane person knows how many 0's are in a billion.

You're right; shooting fish in a barrel is unseemly. So, you know, keep right on picking on Merck, since that's so hard.

4:02, don't be so short-sighted. By laughing at him we are confirming his delusional paranoia that people are laughing at him. So in a sense, we're doing him a favor by making him just a little less crazy from an objective viewpoint.

I am merely pointing out that it was not a funny comment. Insane people, just like anyone else, are fair game. But on a different note, I would like to see some correspondence b/w ATL and Mr. Riches, I have a feeling he can provide us with hours of entertainment.

merk, stop defending yourself under an assumed identity (or identities) in the comments. You loser.

Comedy Gold and I'm not just talking about Riches but the general snarkiness in this thread.

CNN is reporting that Mr. Riches has retained Roy Pearson to represent him.

I thought he was bringing an action for brutacity until I realized his Ls are curly. I wondered, WTF is "brutacity"?

I just figured pleading alliengence to Al-qaeda was brutacity.

Wow, and here I thought you couldn't sue a national monument, the 2005 Philadelphia Eagles, several books, a television show, a stock exchange and the Waffle House at the same time.

However, I have to agree with him that Tony Danza needs to be stopped...

"However, I have to agree with him that Tony Danza needs to be stopped..."

So does Scott Baio (and Erin Moran for that matter) - I hope to see sometihng from Riches(c) soon.

Kick in treble damages on the racketeering claim and punitives on the fraud claim at a 10:1 ratio of actuals and you've got yourself a lawsuit...

Nice

What makes you all think this guy's nuts? Maybe he's just entertaining himself. His handwriting is better than mine (not saying much), and the complaint reads more like an article from Weekly World News (RIP) than the ravings of a paranoid schizophrenic.

To me, crazy is the lawyer who filed the motion for an extension of time due to having too much wine at lunch.

Crazy like a fox--the court GRANTED that req for extension.

The crazy part was when she admited to forging the postmark and lying to the court....

I am wating to accpet service on behalf of Mr. Vick.

what a tool.

As funny as this reads...and believe me it does, now I understand why I have actually been fighting a meritorious case against the Government for 21 years now. And...unlike Jonathon our case has 702 pieces of documentation which actually supports "our" allegations.

Someone free up the courts, and let us win already!!!!

see: http://home.comcast.net/~justis4all/campbellvsusps.html

What would you suggest as the best mechanism for prisoner complaints (taking the subject seriously as if you were behind bars)? If you personally could write a "prison reform act" what would it say?

thanks for keeping the first amendment speech rights, and posting a prior post here. NOT!

http://home.comcast.net/~justis4all/campbellvsusps.html

OK, I thought this guy was crazy, but when you add in conspiracy favorites Free Masons and Ulluminati (not to be confused with Illuminati), anything is possible.

However, I call this guy out for being an anti-semite. Its only been a century, and he already feels the Elders of Zion have lost their sway? Or maybe he just knows better than to tackle an enemy with real power.

Pure Juxtaposition Gold.

OK, in the link to the 57 page suit, the list of defendants itself is funny, sure, but the real gold is finding the best pair of Ds juxtaposed right next to each other. Only by investigating such pairings can you appreciate just how truly deep this conspiracy is. Go on, name your favorites. I feel some of the best are:

The IMF and Jimmy Dean Sausage

US Holocaust Museum, and Souljah, Sister

Burt Reynolds and the WTO

Hong Kong Gangs & The United Methodist Church

Lambeau Field & Milosovic

Demi Moore & Smith N Wesson & the United Negro College Fund

Fabio & The Holy Land Foundation

John Ashcroft & Dennis Rodman

And all on its own... Wu Tang Klan

Co-defendant just went down

How about Elizabeth Smart and the Panama Canal Commission?

Elizabeth Smart???

My ex Wife sold the house we had,in the divorce it said she was to split the equailty,she quick deeded it to some lawlers and made 31k off it but I didn't get a cent.is thier a time limit in Georgia to sue her for my part,or I'm S O L because its been 3yrs now ??? ant help out their. thanks Donald

I'm to pay Child Support till my child is 18 yrs old or still in school,she's 17 now and has quit school last oct..currently enrolled as a home schooled child,now my divorce papers say I have to pay till she's 18 yrs old or as long as she's in school.Here's the catch does this still mean the support keeps on since she's home schooled. I think the ruling on this in a divorce should be clearly stated Public School,Private or Home schooled.what to you guy's out there think ???,,Donald

My ex Wife sold the house we had,in the divorce it said she was to split the equailty,she quick deeded it to some lawlers and made 31k off it but I didn't get a cent.is thier a time limit in Georgia to sue her for my part,or I'm S O L because its been 3yrs now ??? ant help out their. thanks Donald

That is 64 billion. Not billion billion.

1,000,000 = 1 million.
1000 million = 1 billion

Sure makes you wonder about how far this prisoner rights entitlement shoud be extended. It would probably be wiser to close the Law Library to them.

I've been writing on con artists for the past 45 years. Some funny stuff--their pursuit of "conspiracy theory" scams, their distorted interpretation of "conflict resolution," etc. But, this one takes the cake. It is hilarious.

Wow, this guy is really messed up. My entire class is laughing this up... keep this site up, wow it's very funny.

-Lithium

I hope you got a good lawler, buddy.

This lawsuit is *magnificently* insane!

It's like something out of "The Addams Family".

I feel humbled in it's presence.

What no one wants to comment on this one filed yesterday where he's suing Barry Bonds, Allan Selig and Hank Aaron's Bat

http://dockets.justia.com/docket/court-inndce/case_no-3:2007cv00375/case_id-51741/

i just want all of you to know that i am going to sue all of you.

here he accuses the "jewish mossad, larry king live and the cia" of a vast conspiracy to hijack his torso and 3 toes, which explains the larry king reference...

the count section is a definite must read! mr riches© rocks!!!

http://casedocs.justia.com/new-hampshire/nhdce/1:2007fp00212/31173/1/0.pdf

Jonathan Lee Riches© is either a comic genious or one of the most crazy people ever.

He has been filing tons of these very interesting lawsuits, check out the ones that Justia found and featured on their Justia News site (all the ones mentioned in this post and comments are there including all of the filings available on the cases, many of them hand-written):

http://news.justia.com/cases/jonathan-lee-riches/

Also for those of us who are enjoying Mr. Riches lawsuits, that Justia Dockets site even lets us subscribe to RSS feeds of new cases filed by him:

http://dockets.justia.com/search.py?query=riches&l=20&mode=rss

Drugs in school zones, this is hilarious

IDK if any of you know him or not- personally, or just on the telephone? I know him from the telephone (he's what is known as a partyliner) & he has been this funny for ten years - minus the years he has been in prison.. He used to do some of the funniest prank calls i have ever heard.. and the voice? HAAA. I knew him as Gino Romano, and he used to sing it while spelling it (G-I-N-O....R-O-M-A-N-O) lol. Always talked about eating chinese food..

RENEGADE MIB, think i know u too...

Hmmm. I don't think any of you noticed the plea at the end to have Michael Vick "stop physically hurting my feelings, and dashing my hopes!"

I guess if Mike sticks with just "emotionally" hurting his feelings, there will be no problem.

Anybody know where I can get my Jonathan Lee Riches mug? Or has Mike scarffed them all up again? Damn!

That isn't the only one of his 16 pending or dismissed lawsuits in which he requests the court have someone stop dashing his hopes.

In the suit vs. Barry Bonds et al, he wants MLB games to be forbidden from be shown in his prison.

Speaking of new lawsuits, he filed one 2 days ago which (thanks to Justia News Feed) says in brief...
Plaintiff seeks $83 billion collectively from defendants to be donated to Greensburg Kansas tornado victims, Kent State massacre victims, Richard Jewel, 2600.com (which is the Hacker Quarterly), coal miners and the Skid Row section of Los Angeles. Plaintiff alleges that LeBron James has a secret relationship with his sentencing judge, Michael Jordan wears Jonathan Riches t-shirts, Wayne Gretzky carries Jonathan Lee Riches bibles, Joe Montana is in business with gangster Tony Montana, Mickey Mantle (who passed away in 1995) tried to get JC Penney's store credit in his name and Michael Vick used his credit. Plaintiff also alleges that defendants are involved in global warming, endangering wildlife and setting wildfires, and that he caught them with gas cans along I-70. Defendants also allegedly fought in the Battle of Hastings 1066 with the Duke of Normandy and broke into Watergate in the 1970's.

Hello,
In light of the Michael Vick events, I am especially pleased to share this with others! Thanks for reading it and passing it on if it interests you. If it doesn't, or if you have already seen it, I apologize for sending it. ~ Nancy Cronk at www.Animal Chaplains.com.

Press Release August 24, 2007

"Animal Chaplains To Honor and Bless All Creatures on World Animal Day"

~ from the Interfaith Association of Animal Clergy

In what will look like a scene from the popular family movie, "Evan Almighty", scores of Animal Chaplains around the world will bless hundreds, perhaps thousands of animals in many different settings on October 4th 2007. At a pet cemetery on the east coast, to a city park in the desert, to a sandy beach on the west coast, they will walk in on a leash, fly in on a harness, and slither in their cages. Barking, mewing, bleating, mooing, whinnying and purring will join human voices in hymns of praise and worship.

That day is World Animal Day, a day dedicated to honoring, blessing, and protecting animals all over the world. World Animal Day was founded at an ecologist's convention in Florence, Italy in 1931 as a way of highlighting the plight of endangered species. October 4th was chosen as World Animal Day because it is also the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi, a Catholic Church holiday which is often celebrated with an annual "blessing of the pets". Since then, it has grown to encompass all kinds of animal life and has been widely celebrated around the world. Churches and synagogues in many faiths traditions have adopted "Pet Blessing Day" or "World Animal Day" in increasing numbers every year.

The Interfaith Association of Animal Chaplains prepares for World Animal Day by referring its members and visitors to the official World Animal Day website. The site provides ideas and resources to individuals, families, community groups and congregations everywhere. People can post their pledge for volunteering at a World Animal Day event. In addition to blessing pets, volunteers will work at animal shelters, zoos, rescues, and other nonprofit organizations. Dogs will be walked, cats will be brushed, horses will be groomed, and fish will benefit from freshly cleaned tanks. Donations will be given to animal welfare agencies, and pets will be adopted. School children will collect pet food to be donated to charities, and bake sales and car washes will be held as fundraising events. Veterinary clinics will hold free spay and neuter days, or may offer to vaccinate pets at no charge. All over the world, on the very same day, the well-being of animals will be on the minds of millions of people.

Interfaith Chaplain Nancy Cronk feels a day honoring animals is very important at a time when the headlines speak of animal cruelty such as athlete Michael Vick's alleged ties to illegal dog fighting. Animal Chaplains would like everyone to know that every major faith endorses the responsible stewardship of the earth and all of its creatures. "Deliberate harming of animals is in direct opposition to teachings in all of the major world faiths. Caring for animals is our global spiritual responsibility. If we can teach this ethic to all of our children, animal abuse and suffering will someday become a distant memory".

To find out how to get involved on World Animal Day, go to www.WorldAnimalDay.org.uk. To find out more about Animal Chaplains, go to www.AnimalChaplains.com.

(This article may be reprinted.)

Chaplain Nancy J. Cronk
Founder, Chair and Chaplain
Interfaith Association of Animal Chaplains
www.AnimalChaplains.com
Email: AnimalClergy@aol.com

If you guys don't quit playing CNN all night talking about Michael Vick, you will definitely loose a fan. I'm sick of all the publicity and you add insult to injury by talking about him instead of commenting on tonights game.

How the hell do you sue the Norse gods?

And even more puzzling, how do you sue "Mein Kampf"?

It's highly unlikely Vick will be out in a year due to the fact that on a 23 month sentence he really only has to serve around 19 months due to the good conduct credit time off that he gets. He also has to be designated to an insitution, be deemed RDAP eligible, and then wait for a spot in an RDAP class. All that takes time. He may not even start a program for 2-3 months as the classes are usually booked up months in advance. So, by the time he hits an RDAP yard, he'll be down to 16 months left, then the BOP will credit him for the month he's already been in. The program itself takes 9 months to complete, that leaves 7 months, and he has to spend 6 months in custody at a halway house as a program requirement. So maybe he'll get all of a month off.

Larry Levine
owner
www.americanprisonconsultants.com

It's highly unlikely Vick will be out in a year due to the fact that on a 23 month sentence he really only has to serve around 19 months due to the good conduct credit time off that he gets. He also has to be designated to an insitution, be deemed RDAP eligible, and then wait for a spot in an RDAP class. All that takes time. He may not even start a program for 2-3 months as the classes are usually booked up months in advance. So, by the time he hits an RDAP yard, he'll be down to 16 months left, then the BOP will credit him for the month he's already been in. The program itself takes 9 months to complete, that leaves 7 months, and he has to spend 6 months in custody at a halway house as a program requirement. So maybe he'll get all of a month off.

Larry Levine
owner
www.americanprisonconsultants.com

I love how this guy targets almost every way of thinking, culture, and race. NO ONE is safe from the hilarity of Jonathan Lee Riches (copyright).