The X-Summers: Submissions, Please
At your suggestion, we're putting together a compendium of juicy summer associate tales -- the most funny or amusing stories, about the most colorful summer associates of all time. Inspired by Aquagirl, one of the greatest of them all, we're organizing them around a theme:
SUPERHEROES!!!
Move over, X-Men. Make way for the X-Summers!
Please send us your submissions by email (subject line: "X-Summer"). It would be helpful to us if you try to conform your submissions to the template we're planning to use, which contains fields for all the relevant information. For example:
1. Superhero name: The Jack-Sh*tter (real name: Jonas Blank*)
2. Special power: The ability to waste hundreds of hours of billable time.
3. Summered: Skadden Arps, summer 2003
4. Claim to fame: Meant to send an email to one friend, but instead sent it to Skadden's entire underwriting group (partners included). That email read:
“I'm busy doing jack shit. Went to a nice 2hr sushi lunch today at Sushi Zen. Nice place. Spent the rest of the day typing emails and bullshitting with people. Unfortunately, I actually have work to do — I'm on some corp finance deal, under the global head of corp finance, which means I should really peruse these materials and not be a fuckup...""So yeah, Corporate Love hasn't worn off yet... But just give me time..."
In the words of the New Yorker: OOPS.
5. What happened to him: At the direction of recruiting, Jonas Blank "wr[ote] an apology to the forty or so attorneys who had already opened the e-mail." He received an offer from Skadden and worked there for several years, before leaving for a smaller firm.
Update: We added that last field after the fact. Thanks for the suggestion.
We look forward to your submissions, which you can send in by email. Thanks in advance!
* Generally we don't reveal the names of people involved in embarrassing or tawdry situations. This is why Aquagirl is Aquagirl, or the Katten Kreep is the Katten Kreep.
But this general rule is subject to some exceptions. One is if the person's name has already been published in an MSM publication -- in Jonas Blank's case, The New Yorker.
(28) Comments
FIRST!! NOONAN!
The Jonas Blank email is rather boring for all the publicity it generated. He must have got an offer anyway.
Thank you lat! I can't wait for this post :-)
According to the Careerjournal.com, Jonas got an offer anyway.
I heard a rumor about a male Chicago SA's, shall we say, hostile behavior towards some girl he met at a bar during an outing with associates and other summers.
I heard it third or fourth-hand, so I don't want to repeat the details, but hopefully someone closer to the source will fill us in.
11:05, there is a thread on this board that was posted yesterday.
LAT, DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO GIVE US THAN REHASH THE JONAS BLANK STORY?
Jonas Blank went to Skadden full-time, worked there for a few years, and recently left for a smaller firm:
http://www.abovethelaw.com/2007/03/our_favorite_skadden_associate.php
11:15: You're an idiot. First, all-caps is annoying as hell. Second, read the post:
"Please send us your submissions by email (subject line: "X-Summer"). It would be helpful to us if you try to conform your submissions to the template we're planning to use, which contains fields for all the relevant information. For example..."
Lat is collecting stories for a future post. The Jonas Blank write-up reflects what Lat wants from readers (where the person summered, what they did, etc.).
SUGGESTION:
You should include what happened to them in the template. Were they hired by the firm they summered for, etc..
Poster at 11:15 = Jonas Blank
11:12,
The story I heard was different from the Katten SA story.
11:05, I apologize for assuming that it was the same story. It sounds like things are getting wild in Chicago this summer.
http://rkollp.com/jonas_l_blank.php
i can say that 1105's story is completely true, but can't really say anything other than that the event established that either a) that girl can punch or b) that guy can't take a punch.
I heard rumors about a very recent incident involving Kirkland NYC summers and a monster bill (15K+) at Per Se that the firm refused to pay. Anyone else heard about it?
Alright, now we need some details. Summer associates getting punched out in Chicago bars are stories that need to be told.
12:20
If this story wasn't based in Chicago, I wouldn't find it believable...but it is.
Es tragico lo que paso con el muchacho que mando el email mencionado arribita. Todos sabemos que su actitud no es tan raro entre muchos (bueno, casi todos) de los asociados del verano. En vez de castigarlo, deben se mirar mas profundamente dentro del problema sistemico.
man, i wish i could print the story about the firm-on-firm barfight in houston a couple years back. two firms showed up at the same bar for their respective summer events that ended up in an 20-on-20 absolute free-for-all.
it's a story i'll tell for the rest of my life. hilarious.
chicago summer goes to bar after third of july boat cruise...is drunk...bumps into large woman accidentally...large woman takes offense...summer calls large woman choice names like "lard ass" and "tubby"...large woman takes offense and breaks a few off on summer's face...summer has to go to work next day looking like a defeated cage fighter
1:32--best summer associate story yet.
1:32 - worst part of all: he had to work on the 4th of July
2:19 -- said incident occurred in wee hours of 7/4. Hence, when he went to work on 7/5, it was the "next day"
Jack-shitter? Lat, I think you've confused "Superhero Names" with "Copy-Room Guy Names"
I heard a rumor about a DC firm blacklisting a fourth or fifth year associate from participating in any summer events as he had "abused" the privilege with real blow outs. Substantiate?
I heard a rumor about a summer at K&E Chicago who apparently hit on a lawyer's SO and then threatened the lawyer when asked about it. Verification? Details?
we just had an associate fired for similar behaviour on a firm outing. don't know the deets, but hear it involved verbally abusive frivolity. why i don't attend such events.