X-Summers: The Bruised Booze Cruiser
Labor Day has come and gone. But even though summer is unofficially over, we still have a few summer associate stories for you.
We heard lots of rumors about the Chicago summer who, as described by one source, "got decked by a girl" after a firm-sponsored, Fourth of July boat cruise. According to one version of the story, he showed up to work the next day black and blue.
After poking around, we've assembled what we believe to be a fairly reliable account of the incident. The black-and-blue part isn't true, but the general outlines of the story are accurate:
1. Superhero name: The Bruised Booze Cruiser
2. Special power(s): Improvised musical composition; ability to take it on the chin, from a member of the fairer sex.
3. Summered: Kirkland & Ellis, Chicago, summer 2007
4. Claim to fame: From our tipster:
After the Fourth of July boat cruise, one of the summers tied one too many on. At the after-party, while passing a drink to a friend, he stuck it right across the face of a girl standing nearby.Understandably annoyed, the girl said something sort of snarky. He responded by a signing an improvised song to her, which went something like, "Fat bitch, fat bitch, you are such a fat bitch."
After he went on for about a minute, she decided she had had enough of his ditty. She emptied her drink over his head -- then socked him in the jaw.
Awesome. We're applying the "You Go Girl" tag to this post.
Find out the Booze Cruiser's fate, both medically and professionally, after the jump.
5. What happened to him: In terms of his medical condition, he did NOT show up black and blue the next day, as rumored:
First, the cruise was on the 3rd, and we had the 4th off. Second, when he showed up on the 5th, he looked pretty much fine -- except for a hint of wounded pride.
As for his professional fate, we hear that he got a "cold offer" (which is when the firm extends you an offer, so you can tell prospective employers when you re-interview that you did get an offer, but makes clear that you shouldn't take it).
Apparently the coldness of the offer wasn't due to the after-party altercation. The after-party wasn't a firm-sponsored gathering, and it wasn't attended by partners. But this summer committed other errors:
He managed to piss off a partner at a golf outing as well. The partner had gone on a long vacation with his wife, and [the SA] starts blabbing about how “that must have sucked” and “I would die being with my wife along for that long.” The partner politely says something to the effect of “no, actually I really like my wife we get along great.”Not getting the hint, [the SA] keeps blabbing about how awful that must have been. Word is the partner was so peeved he complained to recruiting.
Would that be enough by itself to get a cold offer? Probably not. But we wouldn't be surprised if the Bruised Booze Cruiser, given his **hole-ish tendencies, said and did other things to tick off other partners.
Update: A somewhat different version of this story appears here.
P.S. It goes without saying by now, but the usual rules still apply. Please do NOT name the SA in question. Thanks.
Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of summer associates (scroll down)
(65) Comments
So hot outside. Getting FIRSTy...
I was the fat bitch. Now I'm FIRST!!!
Woo hoo....FIRST!
No. You are second. Suck it.
Im assuming the girl was fired. I can only imagine if a guy punched a female summer in the face he would be arrested.
I'm first, I'm first. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Definitely not partnership material, much less associate material. If you act like that with your co-workers, how would you act in front of the clients?
Associates need to learn decorum and discretion. This one didn't.
Suck it, junior. No one owes you $160,000 a year.
But this post begs the real question: Did the feisty female SA who socked The Bruised Booze Cruiser in the jaw get an offer?
If the litigation group did not offer her a job on the spot, they are strictly second tier.
Agree with Joe at 4:39. How come the girl is not the one being profiled here? Being obnoxius is one thing; physical violence is another. Granted, it would be much worse if it were the other way around, but punching someone in the face at a firm event is not an acceptable response for anyone.
I don't believe it was a female SA who did the punching. It was a random person at the bar.
There's nothing in this post that suggests that the female puncher was a summer associate. The indicident happened at the "after party". Probably a local 'big gurl' gave him a knuckle sammich.
The after-party wasn't a firm-sponsored event.
Anon, I'd puch you without asking any questions...
The story makes it sound like the girl was not a summer associate. Rather, just a "girl standing nearby." If he called another SA a fat bitch he probably would have gotten fired or no offered, not cold offered.
Query: if it was the girl who passed the drink across the guy, and she was the one yelling "fat bastard, fat bastard...." and he slapped her across the face, would that be just as apparently equally acceptable?
No? The point? Physical violence should never be accepted among co-workers, by either gender. I know you've mentioned another gaffe of his, but it seems quite certain from these facts that the reason he got a cold offer is because of this non-Firm event. Which means that it should have been equally acceptable for him to have slapped her across the face if facts were reversed.
Does anyone think he'd have gotten away with it if that were the case? If not, then cold-offering him for this booze cruize episode is quite possibly gender discrimination.
To the Equal Opp Advocate:
Yeah, violence is bad and the girl probably deserved reprimand, as well.
However, I didn't get the impression that the "victim" here was wanting the girl to be fired over this. Maybe the girl would be fired (although the guy would probably be the butt of all kinds of more jokes because of it).
I don't think it is a gender thing about boys showing violence versus girls showing violence, though. I think it is more the paternalistic undertones of when a guy hits a girl... the big law firm would want to protect the girl. Whereas, as you pointed out, the law firm isn't as enthusiastic about protecting the guy from a girl. However, I think they'd be just as pissed (or more) at a girl for hitting another girl as the firm would be pissed at a guy hitting another guy.
I think my point is that the entire issue is more complicated than just law firms having a double standard for an attacker-employee.
I'll punch all of you!! I smell cake...
It is pretty clear from the posting that IT WAS NOT ANOTHER SUMMER ASSOCIATE WHO HIT HIM.
punching girl was NOT a summer associate, at least not at k&e.
The girl who punched him was not a summer associate. I was there.
The girl was not a summer, at K&E or anywhere, she was a stranger at the bar. The guy committed a number of other drunk-and-stupid mistakes over the course of the summer (including a few things at the boat cruise before he was punched), and the combination of all of them led to the no-offer.
The rest of the story is that he ended up hooking up with the fat cow from the bar. And, when I say hook up, you should read, "Took the D-train to browntown."
Kirkland Chicago's boat cruise always has some good stories coming out of it. A summer associate in 2006 was "so overwhelmed" by the scenery and the fireworks that he proposed to his girlfriend in front of everyone. This was definitely not planned (no ring). He just felt moved.
the girl was definitley not a SA, just some random girl at the bar. The event wasn't exactly "firm-sponsored" though an associate was there and picking up the bar tab for the SAs. I think what happened before the bar brawl contributed more to his non-offer than the bar brawl itself.
Kirkland Chicago's boat cruise always has some good stories coming out of it. A summer associate in 2006 was "so overwhelmed" by the scenery and the fireworks that he proposed to his girlfriend in front of everyone. This was definitely not planned (no ring). He just felt moved.
6:04 - Please tell me the guy's girlfriend reacted to this lame proposal the same way the fattie in this story did.
A source I have told me that "Million Dollar Baby" was a SA at Winston who casually was there enjoying another non-sponsored Winston Strawn after party - is that real?
Why did he sign the song to the fat bitch? Was she deaf, too? Fat, deaf, and a bitch is no way to go through life.
Wait. The only question I have is: was the girl who punched him a summer associate? Up to this point that question has gone surprisingly unanswered.
The song is from Southpark. "Kyle's mom is a bitch"
Go home and watch some tv
no. she was just a girl at the bar, not a K&E summer.
I hope he sued/sues the fuck out of the tortfeasor (just to bankrupt her for life).
I can't believe that K&E didn't punish the girl SA
I'm gonna go out on limb and guess that an SA with such pitiful social skills is fairly stupid all around and produced garbage work. My summer class had one cold offer, and yes the guy acted like a real prick, but he also couldn't handle ridiculously easy summer tasks even with ridiculously long summer deadline.
kirkland definitely did the right thing here. 'nuff said.
Tough to see how he wins, Patrick.
Also, this isn't 1L, and no one thinks that saying 'tortfeasor' is somehow fun. In the future, use 'fatty' instead.
From the account I heard (independently from two K+E summers in attendance) was that the girl in question was working her way to the bar/buffet table/trough when she said, "excuse me" to the summer in question.
The summer turned, looked, and said "excuse yourself, you fat bitch."
Punching ensued. She cracked him in the face several times.
Please feel free to correct this account if it is inaccurate.
So was she infact - fat?
6:28 -- she wasn't a winston summer, but there was a winston event at the bar that night. apparently nobody from winston was there.
6:44 -- he sang the song after 15 minutes of sparring back and forth didn't rattle her enough. suppose it worked.
7:18 -- the question has been answered. it was a non-summer, random girl who was not exactly huge (9:43)
8:52 -- that's not right. She said "don't touch me" and I'll let someone else fill in his choice line in response.
what's a cold offer?
what does it look like like, sound like?
I'm not sure the bigger douche:
big-shotting to a partner about what a drag it must be, man, to get suck with your old lady
or
being so moved by the corporate law boat ride that propose
yeah yeah yeah, so she coulda/shoulda been arrested.
he got what he deserved: popped in the jaw and no offer. Think it may be time to re-evaluate yourself there, slick?
In response to 10:15's request:
"Not only would I *not* touch you, but nobody in this *entire bar* would touch you!"
And he didn't do much to precipitate the exchange, other than accidentally being jostled into her because the bar was shoulder-to-shoulder crowded.
Also, I question some of the details of this story (specifically the golf outing exchange). I knew this guy, and he was not an asshole or an idiot - he just (admittedly) had too much to drink on the boat. I highly doubt that he would make the mistake of saying something so blatantly offensive to a partner, especially so soon after the boat incident, and while he was sober.
8:52 is complete bullshit. Most of the basic facts of the bar exchange are correct - he accidentally brushed her because of how crowded the bar was. He did not say "excuse yourself you fat bitch." And also, she did not pour a drink on his head.
Sounds like the partner can't take a joke - lawyers at firms are way too sensitive about petty crap like that. It sounds like a fairly sarcastic comment to me. I think the legal profession needs to get a sense of humor.
How do they let you know that your offer is cold?
Useful public service post: how to recognize your cold offer and avoid a firm that does not actually want you.
Much more interesting post: tales of the slow-witted who choose to accept their cold offers.
8:52: You are supposed to tap your foot during your exit interview. If the hiring partner does not tap back, you have a cold offer.
Going over and over with the same mantra in the face of a visibly annoyed audience who tells you that he doesn't agree is the route for success!
I think they shouldn't have given an offer to the fat girl. I mean, I just hate having to see that every day. Friggan go run or something.
Important request re: this horribly covered story. Lat, you really are a fat-faced TTT lazy piece of shit these days.
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Can someone get the story right? I can't tell if it's some violent psycho attacking a guy, or something else.
Also, tell us more about the woman. Is she black?
Also, what is the etiquette if a woman punches you. Are you allowed to fight back? Just trying to prepare for the wonderful world of biglaw.
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I'm going to repeat so someone hopefully sees it and replies.
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Can someone get the story right? I can't tell if it's some violent psycho attacking a guy, or something else.
Also, tell us more about the woman. Is she black?
Also, what is the etiquette if a woman punches you. Are you allowed to fight back? Just trying to prepare for the wonderful world of biglaw.
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Which is wider? Lat's fat face or Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's neckhole?
The woman was latina.
12:01 -- she threw her drink in his face after she punched him.
"The woman was latina."
Sounds right.
The pre-punch exchange happened after the summer spent half an hour trying to squeeze the girl out of her spot at the bar (so he could chat up the attorney who was paying the tab).
Girl (polite, but obviously annoyed): "would you get off of me?"
Summer: "I wasn't trying to get ON you, you fat bitch!"
The drink was definitely poured over his head--he was knocked to the floor when she punched him and claimed he had slipped on the spilled drink.
Wait, was the girl given an offer? Seriously, since when are you allowed to haul off and punch people in the face? Maybe that stuff flies in her culture, but what firm tolerates that?
11:29, I hope you're not a lawyer with reading comprehension that poor.
11:31--No, it's a fair question. I heard that K&E tracked her down and gave her an offer to join the recruiting department.
What does her race have to do with anything?
"he was knocked to the floor when she punched him"
That's the #1 reason he did not get a real offer. You don't want someone like that on your team.
I agree, I think firms are not keen on hiring guys that get beaten up by girls :-)
Anonymous @ 9:11 wins comment of the day.
All these big-shot types from top schools seem to have absolutely no sense. Just shows that their intelligence is really overestimated.
kid was *not* from a top school
He was from an ivy - not one of the top 6, but an ivy.
I know this guy personally. He's actually one of the most well-liked people in his law school. He just made a terrible alcohol-induced mistake that I'm sure he'll never make again. I was shocked when I heard about this, since he's not an arrogant jerk from whom I would expect this sort of thing.