Definitely Not the Job of the Week
Every now and then, we like to highlight super-crappy especially unappealing job opportunities. See, e.g., this one (perfect for those of you who think sleep is overrated).
A reader at the University of Texas Law School recently sent a great job posting our way. A teaser:
Where to begin? First, what the heck is "Associate Attorney II"? Second, workday commences at 8 AM, and work week is 50-60 hours, Monday through Friday (not including possible weekend and holiday work). Third, anyone who cannot sit for two hours, or requires use of any ADA accommodations, need not apply. Fourth, everything is at the partners' discretion. Oh, and just in case you thought otherwise, "[t]his description is for recruitment purposes, only, and does not constitute a contract."
We noticed a few other less-than-appealing aspects of the job:
1. Pay is $4K a month. (This is a lawyer's job, right? At a law firm?)2. The job requires a current Texas driver's license and "the ability to drive long distances unaccompanied during daylight and nighttime hours."
3. One of the practice areas is "water / wastewater / solid waste" law.
4. The job requires the ability to "carry[] loads of up to 35 pounds (such as books, binders, and files)." (To repeat: this is a lawyer's job, right?)
5. Yes, there are bonuses -- for associates who "produc[e] stellar work product and exceed[] billable hour goals," and "at the discretion of the partners."
Well, at least they're honest. No pretending to match the Cravath bonus scale, while in reality giving market-level bonuses to only a handful of associates.
Read the full job listing, after the jump.
UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SCHOOL OF LAW -- JOB BANK
Employer: XXX LLP (Austin, TX)
Position: Associate Attorney II
Description:
A. Purpose: Provide legal services to municipal clients through small law firm.
B. Location: Business hours will be divided between the firm’s office in Austin, Texas, and client locations across the state.
C. Hours:
1. The typical work week is fifty-sixty (50-60) hours, Monday through Friday.
2. Workday commences at 8:00 am.
3. Associates will be required to attend evening client meetings (e.g., city council, planning & zoning, board of adjustment, park advisory board, etc.).
4. Occasionally required to work on a weekends and holidays.
5. Monthly minimum billable hour requirement is 140.
D. Essential Functions:
1. Drafting ordinances, resolutions, policies and procedures.
2. Writing and reviewing contracts, interlocal agreements, leases, easements and deeds.
3. Researching matters of state and federal law, including statutes, administrative regulations, and case law, and preparing legal memoranda.
4. Assisting with litigation of civil, criminal and administrative cases, including researching and drafting discovery requests and responses, petitions; preparing motions, pleadings, orders, and briefs.
5. Counseling city officials (in person and remotely).
6. Advocating clients’ interests before administrative and judicial bodies.
E. Areas of Emphasis: The associate will practice in the field of Municipal Law, which embodies these areas of the law: administrative; economic development; election; employment; environmental; ethics; finance and taxes; land use and development; legislative affairs; litigation and appellate advocacy; municipal court; open government; purchasing and procurement; transportation; and utilities (water / wastewater / solid waste).
F. Requirements:
1. Licensed to practice law in Texas for at least two (2) years (in good standing).
2. Strong research and writing skills.
3. Exceptional oral communication skills, including ability to speak effectively in small groups, before large audiences at public meetings, and in the courtroom.
4. Ability to prosecute Municipal Court.
5. Current Texas Drivers License with acceptable driving record, and the ability to drive long distances unaccompanied during daylight and nighttime hours.
6. Capability of walking up and down a flight of stairs; sitting for up to eight hours (two hours at a time); carrying loads of up to 35 pounds (such as books, binders, and files).
G. Preferences:
1. Background in municipal or local government law.
2. Experience and education in utilities and environmental law (e.g., water / wastewater)
3. Experience with civil and criminal litigation.
4. Familiarity with Administrative Law.
5. Proficiency with Microsoft Word, Lexis/Nexis.
H. Expectations: Successful associates are those who are:
1. organized and self-motivating.
2. dependable and steady.
3. capable of transitioning between numerous clients on multiple subjects daily.
4. innovative and resourceful problem-solvers.
5. committed to public interest / government-related law.
I. Hired by: Partners (XXX and XXX)
J. Supervisors: Partners (XXX and XXX)
K. Compensation: $4,167 monthly, depending on qualifications. Performance bonuses. This is a professional position, and thus is exempt from eligibility for overtime. However, associates producing stellar work product and exceeding billable hour goals will be eligible for bonuses and raises, at the discretion of the partners.
L. Benefits: Health insurance, 401(k), sick leave, vacation, holidays, state attorney tax, annual bar dues, mandatory continuing legal education.
Note:
1. This description is for recruitment purposes, only, and does not constitute a contract.
2. Specific job duties and work hours are subject to change depending on the needs of the firm and approval of the partners.
Earlier: Since You're Probably Pulling All-Nighters Anyway...
Comments
FIRST to apply for this job.
Posted by: Loyola 2L clone | December 19, 2007 10:18 AM
Christmas has come early for Loyola 2L
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:22 AM
Well what do you expect from a law firm with a name like 'XXX LLP' sounds more like a porn company.
Posted by: The guy who does not understand redaction | December 19, 2007 10:23 AM
These discretion-obsessed partners should be audited. I’d like to find out this firm and sick the IRS on them. These cheap bastards need a little Texas Justice Bush-style.
Posted by: Loyola 2L | December 19, 2007 10:24 AM
"Cary loads [of] ... solid waste[?]" EWWW.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:25 AM
"Occasionally required to work on a weekends and holidays."
Seems like "stellar work product" might be very relative at this firm. Apparently, it has little to do with using correct grammar.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:29 AM
"Yes, I have a question with regards to clause F6 of the job description - specifically I am only capable of sitting still for 1 hour at a time, not two. I hope this does not affect my candidacy, Mr. Partner."
Posted by: Lateral For Sure | December 19, 2007 10:31 AM
I love how the typical 5-day work week is 50-60 hours -- approx. 200-240 hours a month -- but the monthly billable requirement is only 140. Either there is lots of non-billable work involved (is anyone paying for those unaccompanied nighttime drives?) or they don't expect their $4k/month attorney to be very efficient...
Posted by: anonomouse | December 19, 2007 10:33 AM
M. This position is only open to Pirates. Ninjas need not apply.
Posted by: Lim Bizkit's Fred FIRST | December 19, 2007 10:33 AM
Why would they post a job requiring two-years of law practice in a law school? Are they trying to recruit professors? Is this job bank accessible by alumni?
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:35 AM
I love how the typical 5-day work week is 50-60 hours -- approx. 200-240 hours a month -- but the monthly billable requirement is only 140. Either there is lots of non-billable work involved (is anyone paying for those unaccompanied nighttime drives?) or they don't expect their $4k/month attorney to be very efficient...
Posted by: anonomouse | December 19, 2007 10:36 AM
There's something to be said for truthful advertising. Reminds this old head of Shackleford's recruitment ad to get a crew together for his Antarctica trek: "MEN WANTED FOR HAZARDOUS JOURNEY. SMALL WAGES, BITTER COLD, LONG MONTHS OF COMPLETE DARKNESS, CONSTANT DANGER, SAFE RETURN DOUBTFUL. HONOR AND
RECOGNITION IN CASE OF SUCCESS."
Posted by: sunlight disinfectant | December 19, 2007 10:36 AM
"Ability to prosecute Municipal Court"? I didn't know Texas courts were that corrupt.
Wow, what a craptastic job. Sounds more like a sweatshop than a law firm.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:37 AM
This pay for an attorney 2 years out of school is less than I made as a first-year law clerk at a boutique firm.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:40 AM
How long will the retarded pirate/ninja meme continue to plague ATL? Please let it stop. 10:33 (2), you are not a pirate. You are not a ninja. You're just a bored person slouched in front of a computer, the same as the rest of us.
Posted by: Enough, already. | December 19, 2007 10:42 AM
Let's not forget this is for an EXPERIENCED attorney, not a first year - they want two years of experience!
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:42 AM
F4: Ability to prosecute Municipal Court.
Uh, how does one prosecute a court?
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:42 AM
Applicant:
I look forward to working with you.
Posted by: MWE Associate | December 19, 2007 10:44 AM
Crappy job.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:48 AM
This job really isn't that bad. The requirement of having to sit for two hours probably stems from having to attend administrative hearings. For example, public utility commissions around the country hold hearings that last for hours at a time sometimes it is difficult to wade through people to exit the room to use the restroom or make a phone call. And the pay isn't that bad for Austin... about 50K/year. Sure its not biglaw but its not a bad job and the billable requirement is quite low.
Posted by: Anon | December 19, 2007 10:48 AM
Enough, already: you must be a pirate.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:48 AM
You've got to admit, Lawyers are the most wothless pieces of shit around. Anyone of them making over 40k a year should be strung up by their genitals. Worthless, worthless, worthless.
Posted by: Byron | December 19, 2007 10:49 AM
Overrated: Going to law school and then applying for this job.
Underrated: Going to law school and then applying for a job as a dog catcher (which probably has better pay and hours, among other things).
Posted by: insider | December 19, 2007 10:49 AM
"Capability of walking up and down a flight of stairs"
So, this discriminates against lawyers who use wheelchairs to get around.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:53 AM
I love the picture!
Notice how they never mention educational requirements. Bottom 10% at the Ave Maria or the American Justice School of Law....you're hired!! Actually, I think it would be required that you were a complete failure in law school to take this job.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:54 AM
10:42(1)
Yarrrr!!!! I agree with you, matey. All these ninja infiltrations are like a wench with scurvy. Now let's get some rum and count our treasure!!
YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 10:57 AM
They work as municipal lawyers, a field that is probably plagued with ADA compliance issues, but do not seem to comply with the ADA themselves? Um, I am less worried about the prospective job applicant (that at least KNOWS the deal) than the poor unsuspecting municipal clients!
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:02 AM
50K a year is insulting for any private employer, much less one that wants you to work 50-60 hours PLUS traveling and evening committments like planning & zoning, city council. It's fine if you want a workhorse, but just be willing to pay for one. And I thought Austin was a better market than the inland northwest... there is no way I'd ever apply for that position.
Posted by: northwest lawyer | December 19, 2007 11:05 AM
I was on Journal at Cumberland Law School and turned down for this job
Posted by: Hurley | December 19, 2007 11:10 AM
Wow, that's well above the Portsmouth market; even with the Taylor Pork roll thrown in.
Posted by: Fast Eddie P. | December 19, 2007 11:12 AM
Guessing at the firm...initials P&R? If so, I interviewed there a decade ago for a summer clerkship and the interview was nuts...the senior partner asked me whether I preferred her new hair color (um, I'd never SEEN her before...and anyway, what does an interviewee say to a question like that?) and told me how charming and what a great guy her single brother was (hint, hint).
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:18 AM
wow...if this firm is up here, who's running hell?
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:23 AM
Pirates are welcome to this job. Ninjas have standards.
Posted by: Another Ninja | December 19, 2007 11:28 AM
10:33...as if a ninja would even consider taking such a crappy job.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:30 AM
Pirates specialize in maritime law so I doubt many of them would be interested in driving aroud texas all day. Sitting in chairs and walking up stairs is definitely more ninja-like.
Actually, this job is so craptacular that most people applying for it are probably vikings.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:44 AM
10:42(1):
Spoken like a man eager for a bit o' mandatory plank-walkin', methinks!
YARRRRRRRRRRR!
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:48 AM
The sad thing is they'll probably be inundated with applications for that job.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:49 AM
Lat, would you please automate the deletion of posts from socially-inept and humorless transactional attorneys who don't like ninja v. pirate comments? If you want, I can write you a few snippets of code. It's really super easy . . . because I'm an Ewok. Everyone knows that Ewokss are far superior to pirates, ninjas, and vikings.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 12:01 PM
I like number 4 under F requirements:
"4. Ability to prosecute Municipal Court."
Does this mean the lucky associate who lands this job will be prosecuting the Municipal Court? And, what has the Municipal Court done wrong that it needs to be prosecuted?
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 12:10 PM
And we bitch about BIGLAW.
http://thoushaltnotrationjustice.blogspot.com/2007/12/building-better-legal-profession.html
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 12:42 PM
"socially-inept and humorless transactional attorneys"
now that's just redundant.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 01:23 PM
Austin to 190K!
Yarrrrrrr.
Posted by: Ava Maria 2L | December 19, 2007 02:14 PM
How long will the retarded comments complaining about pirate/ninja memes continue to plague ATL? Please let it stop. 10:42, you are not a pirate. You are not a ninja. You're just a bored person slouched in front of a computer, the same as the rest of us.
Posted by: Enough, already. | December 19, 2007 04:24 PM
Lat, would you please automate the deletion of posts from those who write the following meaningless "Ewoke v. Ninja v. Pirates v. Vikings v. Huns" comment. If you want, I can write you a few snippets of code. It's really super easy . . .
-------------------------------------------------
would you please automate the deletion of posts from socially-inept and humorless transactional attorneys who don't like ninja v. pirate comments? If you want, I can write you a few snippets of code. It's really super easy . . . because I'm an Ewok. Everyone knows that Ewokss are far superior to pirates, ninjas, and vikings.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 04:45 PM
Lat, would ye please keelhaul all them socially-inept and humorless transactional attorneys who be askin' ye to autodelete posts from us pirates?
Arrrrrrr.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 05:07 PM
The guv'mint is only paying me $56,088 :-(
Posted by: JonnyComeLately | December 19, 2007 06:46 PM
Lat,
You publicize Biglaw firm names with regard to their salary levels, bonuses, ... but use uberdiscretion as to the other end of the scale. How about showing ne'er do well firms like this one some love and naming names? After all, if the firm didn't post anaonymously, they can't be too ashamed of what they're offering/asking. I'd also like to see regular updates (a la the associate bonus watch) as to the opposite/low end of the spectrum. Who's paying the least in various markets (and, possibly, demanding the most for the pennies they shower on "the help")? Loyal readers want to know!
Posted by: CK4L | December 19, 2007 09:54 PM
At least they're being honest about having to drive all over Texas to nowhere places, sit for very long periods of time, and schlep loads of paper. A lot of fancy, biglaw lawyers do those things all the time (of course for more money), but hey this place is representing local gubbmint.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 20, 2007 10:46 AM