ATL Caption Contest: The South Florida Blackout
Here’s a photo of lawyers affected by the south Florida blackout, from the Miami Herald:
Here’s the actual caption:
Lawyers, from the left, Alan Lash, Justin Fienberg, and Alex Mendez, not lawyer, working on a project at Greenberg Traurig, on 27th floor of 1221 Brickell, went to lunch and found the building out of power.
ATL readers, we think you can do better. We welcome your suggested alternative captions, in the comments. Assuming sufficient response, we’ll take our favorites, incorporate them into a poll, and hold a caption contest. Thanks.
Update (2/29/08, 10 AM): New entries for the caption contest are no longer being accepted. We are reviewing the current submissions and will post a poll next week. Thanks.
Update (3/3/08): You can vote on the nominees over here.
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LOL for identifying someone as "not lawyer."
The FIRST lawyer, from left to right, is looking into your soul.
Went to lunch? Clearly I need to move to S. Florida. I haven't left the building for lunch in months.
Skinny guy: They cut the power.
Fat guy: What do you mean "THEY cut the power"? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals!
"Yes, Mr. Alvarez, I really do need another pay raise. I can't even afford a shirt with French cuffs!"
Never wear your phone like a gun.
During the blackout, Justin Feinberg, lawyer (center), discusses with his client, Alex Mendez (left), via telephone the options remaining for Mendez's civil suits against McDonalds, his tailor and his barber.
"Without air conditioning, South Florida lawyers venture to the tropical conditions and wonder why they wore wool suits. Bob (center) contacts FEMA on a functioning blackberry to request federal funding for temporary cooling stations throughout GT's offices."
"On Alan Lash's orders, Justin Fienberg tells his secretary to blackline the [107 page] purchase agreement by hand ('As we did in the good old days' remarks Alan)"
Lawyer on left: Oh my god, the power's out. What do we do?
Lawyer in middle: Quick, everyone take out your cell phones and look busy so we can continue billing for this time!
"That's right, Charney just bought a new place. I know! Well, I read it on ATL, so it must be true!"
During the blackout, Justin Feinberg, lawyer (center), discusses with his client, Alex Mendez (right), via telephone the options remaining for Mendez's civil suits against McDonalds, his tailor and his barber.
Lawyer Justin Fienberg, left, looks menacingly at himself twenty years in the past talking on a cell phone, while not lawyer Alex Mendez talks to his psychologist about how his head is way too small for his body.
Lawyer unable to work calls managing partner for firm's billing policy.
we have a wiener:
anon 3:35 (first one, re: the suits against Mickey D's, the tailor & the barber)
Not having a cell phone, Alan was unable to communicate his misfortune of not having power . . . or a cell phone.
Dude, dude, dude.
Lawyer realizing he works at the TTT GT calls suicide hotline.
"Fat, lazy, and tired, GT lawyers forget that the door behind the label "stairs" leads them back to their office where "paper" and "pencils" along with "books" could permit them to continue working."
Raymond, can you hear me? The blackout is affecting my blackberry ghost trap. I think there's a non-lawyer marshmallow man we need to catch!
Lawyer realizing he works at the TTT GT calls suicide hotline.
Unsuited to dealing with his subordinates face-to-face having relied only on email since arriving at Greenberg Traurig, lawyer Justin Fienberg phones his paralegal, Alex Mendez, to ask him to plug everything back in again as soon as he's done filing those documents. Meanwhile, Alan Lash, forced out of the conference room by darkness, clutches his redwell in an attempt to continue to look important despite the lack of a huge conference table before him.
Raymond, can you hear me? The blackout is affecting my blackberry ghost trap. I think there's a non-lawyer marshmallow man we need to catch!
"Honey, I think I may make it to dinner tonight!"
Alan: WTF are you looking at?
Justin: I loved Danny's performance last night on 'Idol'.
Alex: Can you deliver those 3 Big Mac meals to the FRONT of the building? The power just went out and I'm out in front right now.
Alan (center) remains visibly frustrated after pressing 1 for English and hearing 'gracias por llamar a Florida Power & Light, nossotros estamos en la playa y . . .'
Florida attorneys, having found out their building lost power while they were at lunch, phoned their firm's car service to have their drivers manually carry them up six flights of stairs. "It's billed to the client," explained Justin Feinberg.
Alan (center) remains visibly frustrated after pressing 1 for English and hearing 'gracias por llamar a Florida Power & Light, nossotros estamos en la playa y . . .'
While Lash is content knowing that he would not have to bill more hours, Fienberg responds to a partner who demands he "run up" to his office to guide him outside; Mendez is looking for his burrito which he suspects was taken from his desk timed to coincide with the blackout.
3:36: ""That's right, Charney just bought a new place. I know! Well, I read it on ATL, so it must be true!""
WIN
those files are called "redwelds." with a "d," after the brand of the company that makes a ton of them.
http://www.redweld.com/download/KruysmanCatalog.pdf
Justin Fienberg (Center) frustratedly says: "what do you mean David Lat is no longer on The Facebook?" Fienberg was forced to wait 10 hours before he could log in and verify the rumors as true.
Alex Mendez talks to the Herald on his phone asking "why the F!*@ is the fact that I am not a lawyer worth mentioning?"
Torn from their drudgery, lawyers are forced to call their family and friends.
Lat,
You should do a caption contest every day. You will make a fortune in the increased advertisement from posting comments.
"During the Blackout: Lawyers Still Billing."
Lawyer center: No, take the following and submit it, "Back in high school, we would have blackouts, it was no big deal."
Lawyer left: So that is the lothario.
Not lawyer right: My kitten's name is mittens.
"Mom this is terrible. Its almost as bad as when the blackberries stopped working," described Alan as we spoke with the only person that still loved him.
they don't work at GT...
http://www.lashgoldberg.com/attorneys.html
"Lash & Goldberg is an effective alternative to the large national law firm."
... or an alternative to large non-lawyers generally.
"Lawyers from the left discuss the absurdity of questioning Obama's tax plan with lawyers from the right."
Alex Mendez: Did you know that thing Alan Lash is holding is called a Redweld, after the company it was made for, and not a redwell?
Justin Feinberg: Don't correct my vocabulary, you lame supply boy. I'm a lawyer! I don't touch Staples catalogs out of fear of looking lowly.
LOL @ 3:52
that's perfect for MIA
Justin: Ah, Steve, you won't believe it! You know how it was white shirt, blue tie day at the office? Well I wore a blue tie AND a blue shirt...I mean we lauged for like, hours. Seriously Steve, hours.
Alex: Fuck off, my name's Alex.
"Alex? This is Justin. Can I get a side of hustle with that coffee?"
4:02: "You should do a caption contest every day. You will make a fortune in the increased advertisement from posting comments."
And his crappy servers will grind to a halt under the weight of frantic posting.
4:06 - It just said they were working on a project at GT, it doesn't specify that they actually work FOR GT.
Fienberg, a partner at GT calls the firm committee from his cell phone outside the firm's office on Brickell Avenue: "What the f@#k do you mean the damn power is out? Fire the goddamned associate that created this mess."
4:08 # 1 should win. That's hilarious.
"I'm right behind you, idiot."
"Fuck you, fatass."
Frustrated by the lack of work at their firms, GT lawyers wonder whether power will return in time to watch American Idol on Fox.
"The Aristocrats!"
"Why is GT the right firm for you? I'll tell you why. As soon as you graduate, we can't provide the $160k salaries they provide over at Skadden. But our building has a private generator, dammit. It's these soft quality-of-life concerns which put Greenberg on a tier of its own."
"There sure are a lot of ugly people at your law firm. Whoa look at that one!"
"Just A Bit Outside": Three ties, two blackberries, and a Redweld express non-billable frustration as they stand outside the catacombs of Greenberg Traurig during yesterday's power outage.
Justin: Hey, elevator boy, Alex, is that your name? Fix this mess. Old Alan here had to lug that Redweld to Morton's and back, and he's too tired to walk up the four flights of stairs back to his desk. If we don't get him back up there soon, I'm afraid documents might get lost and that will just throw the whole Bates-stamping thing out of whack. You understand, right? So, can you help us out?
Oh no, the Sun! I'm melting, melllltiiiing.
3:35(1) vs. 4:17
"To the studio's disappointment, the highly anticipated spin-off, 'Lawyers Gone Wild' aired for only one episode."
Miami lawyers appeared outside in daylight during the recent blackout, disproving the myth that they are bloodsucking vampires.
"Dude, I hate to waste your cell phone minutes, but take a look, is that guy behind me staring at my ass?"
Justin: "Alex, the lights just went out."
Alex: "Quick, let's eat Alan."
Lawyers Alan Lash and Justin Fienberg call for help before non lawyer Alex Mendez (right) realizes he can't order pizza in a blackout and decides instead to eat the lawyers.
3:35(1), but major points off for confusing left and right
GT decides to shut down its Miami office after a power blackout yesterday sent the entire staff - two lawyers and a paralegal - out to Brickell Avenue. Fienberg, a hard-working partner at the firm calls its New York office saying "Its fucking Tuesday and there are only three of us here! WTF are we paying these Miami kids $160K for?"
4:25 wins, it's the only one that's not stupid and is actually true!
4:52(3) = 4:25.
4:25 was about as funny as a knock-knock joke.
Yesterday's power outage sent GT lawyers scurrying outside their dark offices, proving conclusively that Miami houses plenty of fat ugly guys.
4:52,
GT Miami don't pay $160k.
Justin: I told you don't shoot nobody, and the first thing you do when we walk out this motherf--ker is shoot somebody!
Alex: Cause that's what I do, I kill motherf--kers! You know that.
Mom, mom, listen to me... I'm on the internet! go to w-w-w- yes, three "ws" dot a-b-o-v-e-t-h-e-l-a-w dot c-o-m. Yes that's me! No mom, I don't need a haircut.
Alan Lash: "What the hell are you two doing?"
Justin Fienberg: "Before lunch I was reading on ATL about how Obama's tax plan would screw BigLaw Associates. I'm trying to find someone to check the comments and verify the accuracy of the article, but none of my friends are picking up. Maybe it's true that associates actually have work to do in other cities."
Alan Lash: "Who cares? I'm voting for Nader. I think this is his year.
What is Mendez doing?"
Justin Fienberg: "I think he's trying to order a pizza."
Alex Mendez: "What do you mean you need electricity to make a pizza?"
Alan Lash: "Dammit Mendez, we just ate lunch! Oh well. Fienberg, carry my redweld. I'm starting to sweat."
Greenberg Traurig Partner, Alan Lash, angrily looks on as Justin Fienberg (associate) and Alex Mendez (paralegal) pretend to be busy and continue to bill time. No one had informed Fienberg or Mendez that blackberry and cellular service was also unavailable during the blackout.
In a corner, Alex Mendez meets disappointment upon the realization that 1-900-976-LOVE could not operate during the blackout.
Alan Lash, left, casually repositions his sweaty balls while fellow Greenberg attorneys casually converse on their blackberries.
Who goes to lunch with a case file?
Since when is someone referred to as "not lawyer"? Miami Herald is just as inept as the Sun-Sentinel.
"You know it's hard out here for a pimp...."
Yo 6:19, that's been pointed out like 50 times in these comments already! Get creative.... C'mon.
Lawyer Justin Fienberg manages to continue billing hours during a blackout while fellow lawyer, Alan Lash, curses under his breath having left his blackberry at his desk. Confused non-lawyer, Alex Mendez just lifts phone to ear.
This blog keeps getting more and more lame. Shouldn't a caption contest at least have an interesting picture?
Alex Mendez, not lawyer, right, yeah, the fat one, didn't understand that Obama's social security cap plan involved donuts only as a figure of speech, and in an act of support consumed two dozen original glazed donuts.
Another project runway menswear challenge goes horribly wrong when a power outage prevented designers from fitting their models.
Pandemonium erupted outside Greenberg Traurig's office yesterday during the power outage. Lawyer, middle, and not lawyer, right, called each other questioning one another as to the identity of the culprit who rubbed up against their asses while scuttling in the dark. Lawyer, at left, remained inconspicuous for reasons that were later revealed.
Alex Mendez: Baby, I'm sorry about the buzz, but you know how I love Britney--
Justin Feinberg: What-evah, hon. You just blew our shot at 12 weeks' maternity leave! You've had them going for 8 months. Damn, now I gotta beg Alex for a measly week of paternity leave!
Alex Mendez: Shh, Big Alan's behind you. That file he's keeping on us is getting bigger.
Alex Mendez: Man, how long do we have to stay on the line?
Justin Feinberg: I don't know, dude. Just keep using up the minutes on those calling cards GT sponsored so they don't go to the troops in Iraq.
Alan Lash: Good job, guys, keep wearin' blue! Hanspeter Wustiner and I will get you those billable hours we promised.
http://www.abovethelaw.com/2007/09/greenberg_traurig_always_somet.php
Two lawyers (the white guys, natch) returned with their manservant from his noontime feeding to find the building out of power.
Frustrated, Greenberg attorneys finally realized their 2008 bonuses would not be forthcoming when the firm's inability to service their account with Florida Power & Light forced the utility to cut power to the firm's Miami headquarters.
Soylent Green is made of lawyers!!! Tell them before they come and get us...
Hilarious, marry me please.
Are you sure it's mine?
Realizing the perils of downtown Miami without power, Alan Mendez and Justin Feinberg quickly arrange for their immediate evacuation, while lawyer Alan Lush angrily realizes the blackout will cause PPP to fall by as much as a quarter.
What an awesome thread. Had to close the door to laugh.
6:45
Amen to that.
Justin Feinberg, attorney, contacts his wife to inform her the power disruption will result in yet another late night in his office sarcophagus while balding, out of shape partner Alan Lash, unable to bill during the outage, looks on in disgust. Alex Mendez, building manager, contacts a car service and prepares to leave for the day.
What do you mean Marlon walked all 27 flights of steps?
GT attorneys Alan Lash and Justin Fienberg, exposed for the first time to Florida's daytime humidity during today's power outage, experience unruly curls and telephone a barbershop for an emergency appointment for buzz cuts inspired by non-lawyer Alex Mendez's coif.
Honey, good news ! Even us "not lawyers" can save a bundle on our car insurance by switching to Geico.
When Florida Power & Light says "They're working on it", the it must be crack.
Justin Fienberg, center, unloads on an FPL employee on the phone: "I don't give a fuck if you have to put some Cubans in a fucking hamster wheel, just get the goddamn power back on." He was in the middle of entering his time and is afraid his bonus will be reduced for violating the firm's time entry policy.
100th!!!