A PSA from ATL: Watch Out for Wombats!
Unless you've always wanted an Australian accent. From the Telegraph:
A New Zealand man who claimed he was raped by a wombat and that the experience left him speaking with an Australian accent has been found guilty of wasting police time.Arthur Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police last month to tell them he was being raped by the marsupial at his home and needed urgent assistance.
Cradock, an orchard worker, later called back to reassure the police operator that he was all right.
"I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all."
Wombats are very considerate; they use lots of lube. We learned that on Animal Planet.
[Cradock] pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work....Wombats are native to Australia and are not found in New Zealand. Although powerfully built and about the size of a small pig, they are very rarely dangerous. There are three species: the widely distributed common wombat and the much rarer southern and northern hairy-nosed wombats.
Now wasn't that informative? You can bill 0.1 hour to "Professional Development" for reading this.
Man said 'wombat rape' led to accent change [UK Telegraph]
(20) Comments
Put a shrimp on the barbie - First.
Ha ha, I did in fact just charge this to Professional Development. Along with all the time I've spent on the Woot-off today...
God bless America? No. God DAMN America!!! America's chickens are coming home to roost!!
WOMBAT KOMBAT!!
(dun-dun-dun-dun-de-de dun-dun-dun-dun-du-du)
Had it been a gerbil, would he claim to be speaking Richard Gere?
Wombats are multi purpose. You can also eat them, after you've had your way with them.
Is that a pic of Linda Greenhouse ?
Do we get any ethics hours?
There's a crime called "using a phone for a fictitious purpose"?
Morning radio DJs must be shaking in fear.
Guys...highschool...rapedbywombats...nobigdeal.
Unless you understand that Kiwis and Aussies have a love/hate relationship, this story doesn't really make much sense.
For the culturally unenlightened out there, it's sort of like a Yankee claiming that he was being raped by a hog and it started to make him speak with a Southern drawl.
Or a Southerner claiming he was raped by a Harvard grad and it started to make him speak in an articulate and intelligent manner.
Either way.
Australian for piss!
If I was a wombat I would rape Yale
75 hours’ community work....teaching safe sex to kangaroos?
Woah!
Orifices
Must not
Be
Attacked with
Teeth
"Feel free to bill 0.1 hour to "Professional Development" for reading this post."
What is this "0.1 hour"? I was not aware such a small measurement of time even existed. Heck, I can't even dial the phone in less than 0.2.
"BARTIROMO: So what about the top marginal rate for ordinary income? Who ought to pay more and who should pay less?
Sen. OBAMA: Well, you know, what I've said is that we should go back to probably a top marginal rate of 39 percent what it was before the Bush tax cuts. So I would roll back those Bush tax cuts, I would not increase taxes for middle class Americans and in fact I want to provide a tax cut for people who are making $75,000 a year or less. For those folks, I want an offset on the payroll tax that would be worth as much as $1,000 for a family. Senior citizens who are bringing in less than $50,000 a year in income, I don't want them to have to pay income tax on their Social Security. And as part of my overall approach to housing, I actually want to provide an additional 10 percent mortgage deduction, a credit, mortgage interest credit, for those who currently don't itemize. Because if you live in a house that's pretty expensive, like I do, and I itemize, I get a pretty big break from Uncle Sam. If you own a $100,000 house and you're making 65, $75,000 a year, you're not getting that same deduction. I think that they deserve a break as well. That will actually help relieve some of the pressure on homeowners."
Speaking of getting raped... this is gonna suck.
Yeah, when he says "folks who are making $75k" he means "married filing jointly." Bastard.
Yeah, when he says "folks who are making $75k" he means "married filing jointly." Bastard.
And he's going to continue to let us get shafted on the AMT.
This explains two things better than I ever could have:
1. Why people from the North Island of New Zealand look down upon those from the South Island; and
2. How ALL Australians got their accents