Luckily, none of my critics have the guts to punch me in the face. But I suppose if one of my faceless, nameless tormentors did clock me upside the head -- and lived to tell about it -- my next move would be to file a really bitchy lawsuit. And then blog about it. Fun times!
It should go without saying that Perez Hilton has taken his alleged assault at the hands of the Black Eyed Peas to the next level. Here's the introduction to his lawsuit against the Black Eyed Peas' road manager, Polo Molina:
Of course, Perez uses the lawsuit to get another dig in at the Black Eyed Peas' new album:
That the Black Eyed Peas' new album kind of sucked is now a matter of the public record.
But after the jump, Hilton gets to the real point of the matter.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 7:58 PM - By Kashmir Hill
Dating is a mix of exhilaration and dejection, depending on your success or failure. It can be tough on the ego if you make a move and get rejected.
Some say it's easier online. You wink, poke, or send a message. If not winked, poked, or messaged back, you can move on to the next strategically photographed person whose profile reveals their love of music, movies, and traveling. It's all anonymous, so the rejection doesn't sting like it does when it happens in person.
Or maybe it does sting. Maybe it stings enough to warrant a $5 million-plus class action suit.
Match.com makes the promise that if you use their site, you will "Find Love. Guaranteed." But there's something that's not guaranteed: That the person to whom you're reaching out is actually active on the site. From the New York Post:
A Brooklyn man sued Match.com yesterday for inflicting "humiliation and disappointment" on lonely hearts "who feel rejected when their e-mails get no reply."
Sean McGinn alleges the popular matchmaking Web site dangles phony date bait by posting profiles of people who no longer subscribe to its $39.99-a-month service.
As a result, lovelorn singles have been "defrauded" out of millions of dollars and countless hours spent sending heartfelt missives in vain, the 37-year-old TV producer says.
Most members of Match.com -- which claims 86 million searches a month in the United States -- are actually unavailable because they "are canceled subscribers or never subscribed at all," according to his suit filed in Manhattan federal court.
McGinn is not alone. Fifteen other disgruntled Match.com users will join the case, says his attorney. And he's not alone in love either. He's currently in a relationship, thanks to Match.
Eric Turkewitz says the humiliation McGinn suffered through unreturned winks "will be nothing compared to being known as the guy that sued Match.com for humiliation and disappointment."
But we think there's something satisfying in being able to sue a tease.
The recently released Michael Vick can expect no quarter from most animal lovers. I forget how long he was in jail, but if his sentence didn't involve a dog biting him in the ass every day, then it wasn't long enough.
But Vick is (or was) merely a retailer in the world of inhumane treatment of animals. The real outrage should be directed at the wholesalers. And that is just what Weil Gotshal appears to be doing. The firm won a major victory against the alleged puppy mill Wizard of Claws, in Broward County Circuit Court:
The Broward County Circuit Court has issued a ruling refusing to dismiss several defendants from a major class action lawsuit against a south Florida puppy dealer known as "Wizard of Claws." The suit, filed in 2007, accuses Wizard of Claws, its owners, and its affiliates of defrauding customers by misrepresenting the origin of puppies, and by selling puppy mill dogs who suffer from severe health problems and genetic defects.
The court's order allows plaintiffs to proceed with their claims against three entities sharing common ownership with Wizard of Claws -- Celebrity Kennels, Inc., Dog Breeder Kennel, Inc. and Puppies for Sale, Inc. -- and also directs the defendants to turn over records regarding the puppies they have sold to the public. The court also ordered the owners of Wizard of Claws to sit for depositions concerning their business practices.
This victory has been a long time coming for lawyers at Weil Gotshal. More details after the jump.
Thursday, April 30, 2009 12:12 PM - By Elie Mystal
A human resources professional at FriendFinder Networks (which publishes Penthouse) has brought a sexual harassment lawsuit against her former employers.
[Natalie] Cedeno claims the atmosphere at the company changed substantially after Penthouse Media Group acquired Various Inc., the operator of Adult FriendFinder and other websites, in 2007 and changed its name to FriendFinder Networks. Various was buttoned-up, she says, despite operating websites where users planned hookups. Penthouse, by comparison, was pure frat-boy raunch -- an attitude which culminated in an incident where a Penthouse Pet draped her boobs on an unwilling female employee in a staged photo meant to humiliate her.
Thursday, April 16, 2009 11:22 AM - By Elie Mystal
As we mentioned this morning, just because the Yankees are opening a billion dollar ballpark today doesn't mean that people can't bitch about the Yankees. A 30-year-old Red Sox fan from Queens is suing because he was kicked out of old Yankee Stadium for his failure to observe the sabbath seventh. The New York Post reports:
In a suit filed by the New York Civil Liberties Union, Bradford Campeau-Laurion is challenging the Bombers' "policy" of forcing fans to stand still during the seventh-inning singing of "God Bless America."
Campeau-Laurion claims he was the victim of "political and religious discrimination" when he was booted from the Stadium for trying to take a bathroom break as the patriotic piece began last year.
He's a Red Sox fan (Boston) and he lives in Queens (Mets), but he was in the Bronx (Hell)? Maybe that explains the NYPD's conflicting report:
In a statement, Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne disputed Campeau-Laurion's version of events, saying the officers "observed a male cursing, using inappropriate language and acting in a disorderly manner while reeking of alcohol and decided to eject him rather than subject others to his offensive behavior."
Of course, Mr. America Hater disagrees. More details after the jump.
Just so we're all on the same page here, chimpanzees are wild animals that will react like wild animals when placed in a stressful and unfamiliar situation. A Connecticut woman was viciously mauled by a "pet" chimpanzee, and her family is now seeking damages from the chimp's owner.
[Charla] Nash, 55, lost her hands, nose, lips and eyelids in the 12-minute mauling. Many bones in her face were crushed, and the attack may also have left her blind and brain damaged. She is in critical condition at the Cleveland Clinic, which in December performed the first face transplant in the United States. Doctors haven't said if Nash will be a candidate for such a procedure.
Predictably, the chimp was shot and killed on the spot, while the chimp's owner survived the tragedy.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009 11:58 AM - By Elie Mystal
It is definitely time for someone to set fire to the Hot Topic in the Mall of America.
On Friday, a lawsuit was filed in Minnesota federal court on behalf of "The Vampyre Nation" requesting sovereignty from the United States of America. But let's pretend it was filed it on Ash Wednesday.
Remember when people went to jail to work out and change religion?
More hilarity from Jonathon Sharkey after the jump.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009 2:55 PM - By Kashmir Hill
The 90's were good to Billy Blanks of Tae Bo fame. His taekwando-boxing hybrid workout routine was all the rage across the land, with Paula Abdul a notable follower.
After his career peaked, the legal troubles started. In 1999, he filed a $10 million suit against his agent, because his agent wasn't licensed to be an agent. And he hired Seyfarth Shaw to represent him. The case did not go well, and Blanks kick-boxed a malpractice suit Seyfarth's way. One of Seyfarth's L.A. partners, William Lancaster, bore the full brunt of Blanks' aerobic fury, because Blanks alleged that he missed the statute of limitations by four weeks because Lancaster was dilly-dallying in the Superior Court system rather than taking his complaint to the labor commissioner, where it belonged.
The malpractice suit was decided in Blanks' favor, and he was awarded $30 million. But the Second District Court of Appeals has reversed the judgment and remanded the case to the trial court. But not without a cardio-kick to Seyfarth. From the Legal Pad:
[The] Second District Court of Appeal ruling that gave [Seyfarth] that dancing-with-joy moment wasn't very kind to their law firm: It almost scoffed at their defenses to a celebrity's claim of legal malpractice....
[Justice Richard Aldrich] had a warning for Seyfarth (and the trial judge) on remand. Aldrich speculated that Seyfarth will argue that Lancaster's decision to delay filing a TAA petition was "a reasoned choice" or a "prudent trial strategy." But he indicated that won't be easy.
"Although attorneys have wide latitude in selecting strategy," Aldrich wrote, "Seyfarth will have the burden to explain why its choice to delay filing a TAA petition was based upon a rational, professional judgment that would have been made by other reputable attorneys in the community under the same or substantially similar circumstances."
Billy Blanks is giving Seyfarth quite the work-out.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:14 PM - By Elie Mystal
Layoffs and stealth layoffs are only stage 1. Stage 2 is lawsuits. We're not sure if Stage 3 is profit, but we are very sure about Stage 2. We've mentioned before that we expect to see a lot of litigation surrounding all the firings happening in the legal industry. It's already happened to Skadden, now it is happening to Fried Frank.
AmLaw Daily reported this morning on an employment discrimination complaint that was filed against Fried Frank:
A former litigation associate at Fried, Frank, Harris, Shriver & Jacobson has filed a complaint against the firm with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, claiming the firm denied her partnership because she is openly gay before firing her after a mediation last month.
The associate in question, Julie Kamps, sent her EEOC complaint into Above the Law. It is pretty bare bones. She claims that she was subjected to discrimination and harassment during her ten year tenure at Fried Frank. She was fired on January 30th, 2009.
We've reported on stealth layoffs at Fried Frank back in November and December. But we didn't know that layoffs were still happening in the new year.
Kamps gave an interview to AmLaw where she stated the the discrimination began in 2006:
In an interview, Kamps tells The Am Law Daily the mistreatment began sometime in 2006 but got worse this fall. She says the firm began taking work away from her, leaving her with nothing to do. She declined further comment on the exact nature of the harassment, saying it would become public when the case goes forward.
Are you wondering what a "non-gender-conforming" stealth layoff looks like? Read the complaint after the jump.
[Ed. note: We mentioned this briefly in Morning Docket. But any story involving the words "Cravath partner" and "hookers" deserves its own post.]
The late Deborah Jeane Palfrey, aka the "D.C. Madam," has a New York counterpart. From ABC News (via our sibling site, DealBreaker):
Wall street lawyers, investment bankers, CEOs and media executives often used corporate credit cards to pay for $2,000 an hour prostitutes, according to the madam who ran one of New York's biggest and most expensive escort services until it was busted last year.
But prosecutors in the Manhattan District Attorney's office chose not to pursue any of the corporate titans, says Kristin Davis, who pleaded guilty last year to charges of running a prostitution business that used more than a hundred women.
Presumably no relation to actress Kristin Davis, who played squeaky-clean Charlotte York on Sex and the City. The actress is a brunette; the madam is a blonde (of course).
Among the names ABC News was able to confirm on [Davis's client] list:
* a partner at the Wall Street law firm of Cravath Swaine Moore, "looking for a party girl to come fully equipped," [who] spent a total of $20,000.
Finally -- a plausible explanation for those disappointing Cravath bonuses. The money went to a different set of hourly billers.
We appreciate the CSM partner's demand that his high-class escort arrive "fully equipped." Cravath lawyers believe in the importance of preparation. Whether dealing with depositions or dealmaking, their motto is: "Be prepared."
Just like the Boy Scouts. If Boy Scouts blew twenty grand on whores.
Given the prestige (and profitability) of Cravath, some might find this news shocking. But those in the know realize that the white-shoe law firm has a long and august history.... of sexual deviance and prostitute patronizing.
How hard up is the Blackstone Group? According to Cityfile, they have been reduced to stealing news:
[The Financial Times] filed a lawsuit against Steve Schwarzman's Blackstone Group on Wednesday for sharing an FT username and password instead of setting up separate accounts for its employees.
Look, I know that the financial industry is kind of tanking right now, but dear God it's not like publishers are rolling in it.
I'm also pretty sure that the Financial Times would have given Blackstone a good group rate if they had just asked.
Apparently, this problem with Blackstone has been going on since long before the financial crisis:
Officials at the FT became a bit suspicious when they realized a very industrious Blackstone employee was accessing thousands of articles a day; a subsequent investigation turned up evidence Blackstone had been engaged in the fraud since as far back as 2002.
Have you ever stolen a newspaper that is sitting outside a neighbor's apartment door? Every time you do that an angel kills a child in an orgy of blood. Don't do that anymore.
As you might have heard, New York Knicks atrocious waste of salary cap space star center Eddy Curry has been sued by a former employee. We all knew that Curry was a 6'11'' behemoth of a man who is afraid of grabbing a rebound. But some of the allegations contained in the complaint against him are more shocking than his inability to play 20 minutes without needing an oxygen mask:
18. The plaintiff was further subjected to humiliation and intentional acts of sexual harassment discrimination by the Curry during the course of his employment.
19. On more than one occasion in the last year of plaintiff's employment, Curry approached him, in the nude, and tried to solicit him to engage in homosexual acts with him by telling the plaintiff "look at me, Dave, look" and "come and touch it, Dave."
And while we're here:
20. Curry directed the plaintiff to perform humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels that he "nutted all over" so that his wife would not see them.
We should say that Curry strenuously denies all of the allegations contained in the complaint. And teammates like Quentin Richardson and David Lee have come to Curry's defense.
But wait 'till you get a look at the plaintiff's lawyer, after the jump.
Thursday, January 8, 2009 6:06 PM - By Elie Mystal
Gary Green was an associate at Skadden in Los Angeles. About a year ago he was fired. On New Year's Eve, Green filed a complaint against the firm and a number of partners and associates.
Green's complaint brings the fire. He alleges defamation, wrongful termination, tortious interference, and a host of other things.
And he has some very inflammatory things to say about specific Skadden partners and associates. He calls one of the partners incompetent, bizarre, abusive, and inappropriate. He goes so far as to allege in a court document that a particular partner has run a practice group "into the ground" and is "one of the weakest -- if not the weakest partner -- in Skadden's Los Angeles office." And it goes on.
Green alleges he was fired for giving a harsh review to a junior associate. Most alarmingly, he alleges that Skadden partners were angered by the review because it opened the firm up to potential malpractice claims from a Skadden's client.
You can download the full complaint after the jump. But first you can read Skadden's response after the jump.
Thursday, January 8, 2009 1:03 PM - By Elie Mystal
Getting a divorce is never a quick fix, even for a surgeon. You have to divide up the money, the property, the kids, the kidneys.
A Long Island surgeon embroiled in a nearly four-year divorce proceeding wants his estranged wife to return the kidney he donated to her, although he says he'll settle for $1.5 million in compensation.
If you grew up on Long Island, home of Lorena Bobbit, this story makes perfect sense.
If you grew up on Earth, it gets a little weird:
He said he gave his kidney to Dawnell Batista, now 44, in June 2001. She filed for divorce in July 2005, although he claims she began having an extramarital affair 18 months to two years after receiving the kidney transplant, his attorney, Dominick Barbara, said.
I'm not sure I agree with the good doctor's tactic. See, if my wife had an affair, I'd want the other guy's kidney ... or liver. Or severed head on a pike that I'd display on my balcony.
But I guess I can understand the desire to send a (former) loved one into toxic shock and/or have $1.5 million.
Sadly, basic human decency the law is not on his side:
Manhattan attorney Susan Moss said, "The good doctor is out of luck and out a kidney. This is similar to cases where a husband wants to be repaid for the cost of breast implants and the such. Our judges are not willing to value such assets, so to speak."
Good thing that kidneys are internal organs, because you know how they roll on "Strong Island."
Friday, December 19, 2008 10:13 AM - By Elie Mystal
In a complaint filed in Connecticut, a patient claims that she wrote down the cure for cancer while being treated at Hartford Hospital. She says that she gave the cure to her doctor for more research, but now she wants that research to stop -- at least until she is able to patent her life saving ideas.
Luckily, she still remembers her cure, and included the formula in her complaint:
So, if you got a spare laboratory lying around, this could be a good weekend project.
The specific relief she is seeking after the jump.
Thursday, December 18, 2008 10:55 AM - By Elie Mystal
Let's say you meet a woman. You like her, she likes you, and eventually you move in together. She helps around the house and, you know, "helps" with other things too. Let's say that over the course of a year, you "spend" $10,500 on that woman.
How would you explain where that money went, to say an account or on your tax forms?
Well, if you are Mr. Howard Shih of California, you call the $10,500 "wages" and try to get a tax deduction.
That is the situation that the U.S. Tax Court recently wrestled with. Except the proceeding was not directed at Mr. Shih for claiming a deduction, instead the case was about whether the woman (Ms. Jue-Ya Yang) should have reported the $10,500 as "income."
(Dear God: That whole "The Law" idea you had is brilliant. What a great premise for your "Earth" sitcom. Don't change a thing! It's comedy gold.)
After the jump, TaxProf Blog walks us through the difference between wages, gifts, and illicit prostitution.
Friday, December 5, 2008 5:37 PM - By Kashmir Hill
The Wii is a gaming console that has challenged the image of gamers as couch potatoes. Using a remote control with motion sensors, player actually goes through the motions of swinging, throwing, dancing, hitting, and punching (depending on the nature of the game) to get their on-screen character to do the same. Most people love the wii... except when an exuberant swing sends the remote control flying into a $2,000 flat-screen TV, ending the game and smashing the screen.
Many have heard horror stories about remote controls being sent flying. Nintendo added safety straps to their remotes, to keep them attached to players' wrists. But a Colorado woman claims the straps are defective, allowing controllers to "crash into TVs, walls and children," and has filed a $5 million class action suit, citing a video game review from IGN.com. From Courthouse News Service:
The named plaintiff claims the wrist strap broke while her 11-year-old son used it properly, and the device flew into her 52-inch flat-screen TV, smashing it. She claims hundreds of other consumers have reported property damages and personal injuries from the failed wrist straps.
The complaint cites the editor in chief of IGN.com, who received a promotional game, and claims he "personally witnessed and observed the following while the Wii video game was being used in its intended and advertised manner: 'so one of the girls in particular really was having a good time and really got into this game, and she was going for the full arcing motions likes you see in those commercials ...' and 'before you knew it this Remote, with strap on, and I made sure that bad boy was strapped to her wrist, because Nintendo's warned me so many times. It actually flew out of her hand anyway, broke, out of her hand, the strap actually ripped, it went like this, flying at mach speed I think, BAM!, hit our wall, put an indent in our wall."
The complaint cites Nintendo's instructions for the controller, including, "The key is to pump the Wii Remote and Nunchuck back and forth in your two hands as rapidly as possible without abating" and "Swing hard to make sure you clear the net!"
Nintendo should probably reword that, "Pumping your wii remote as rapidly as possible, but not at mach speeds."
Wednesday, December 3, 2008 2:44 PM - By Kashmir Hill
Some people love perfume. Some people hate it. Susan McBride says it makes it "difficult for her to breathe and impossible to do her job."
McBride filed a suit against the city of Detroit last year under the Americans with Disabilities Act, because of her government co-worker's perfume. The Detroit News reports that Michigan District Judge Lawrence P. Zatkoff has ruled that the suit can proceed:
[McBride] claims that in addition to wearing a strong personal fragrance that made her sick enough to leave the office, her co-worker also utilized a plug-in air freshener. The unnamed co-worker had allegedly agreed to discontinue the use of the plug -in air freshener but refused to do without perfume.
McBride, who is looking to have the workplace ban the use of such items to accommodate her sensitivity to them is seeking undisclosed damages as well. She has had to take time off of work, has required medical treatment for her illness, and has also had to suspend the fertility treatment she had been undergoing due to the medications she has needed to take resulting from the sensitivity.
The suit smells like money to us, especially given Michigan's past treatment of perfume-hater suits. A radio DJ was awarded $10.6 million in 2005 after being sickened by a colleague's "romantic, sensual, emotional" perfume, per the Detroit News.
There is no identification of the offensive perfume. If the co-worker wore one of those terrible pharmacy-purchased vanilla-scented ones, we suspect the jury will be full of pity for McBride.
Thursday, November 20, 2008 11:41 AM - By Elie Mystal
Seven members of the Morton Ranch High School cheerleader squad were indicted for hazing. This marks the first time minors have been charged under the 1995 Texas anti-hazing statute.
Their crime? Blindfolding junior cheerleaders and throwing them into a swimming pool.
That's it:
"This is what we've been waiting for," said Diane De La Cruz, mother of Laura De La Cruz, 15, one of the junior varsity cheerleaders. "We are thankful that the grand jury came up with an indictment because we have known all along that the (varsity) girls were guilty of hazing."
Diane De La Cruz and her husband had a premonition that high school girls might start acting like high school girls:
[De La Cruz] said her husband had an uneasy feeling when the older cheerleaders arrived about 4 a.m. on July 25 to take the couple's daughter to the ritual breakfast.
"He said, 'I hope this is not going to turn into an initiation,' " De La Cruz recounted. "We trusted them to just drive our girls to IHOP."
An initiation? In Texas? By high school students? Who could have possibly seen that coming?
Hazing is serious business ... to people with no friends who've never been a part of anything:
Chicago psychologist Jean Alberti termed hazing "child abuse by children." ...
"(Youths) think it's funny, parents think it's funny. They think it's normal adolescent development, but this is an aberration. It didn't happen 30 or 40 years ago. Now we have video on YouTube showing girls kicking other girls in the head."
No we didn't have YouTube 30 or 40 years ago, but I'm pretty sure that if we did "girls kicking other girls in the head" would have been "tame" for the times.
But after the jump, the law is on the anti-hazing side.
Luckily, none of my critics have the guts to punch me in the face. But I suppose if one of my faceless, nameless tormentors did clock me upside the head -- and lived to tell about it -- my next move would be to file a really bitchy lawsuit. And then blog about it. Fun times! 
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[Ed. note: We mentioned this briefly in 
