I have criticized U.S. News for caring about the number of books available in a law school library. I’ve criticized the Thomas Cooley law school rankings for caring about the size of a law school library.

Clearly, I don’t know what a law school library should be used for. But students at UC Davis do.

A female law student at American University - Washington College of Law had an unpleasant Yom Kippur. First, she was at the library at 11 p.m. on a Monday night. Second, she had some unexpected company.

From an e-mail that went out to WCL students earlier this week:

TO ALL STUDENTS, FACULTY & STAFF
INCIDENT REPORT

Incident:

On Monday, September 28, at approximately 11:00 pm, a male visitor to the Pence Library exposed himself to a WCL female student while in the quiet reading room of the library. The male then ran out of the library and although chased by WCL students across Mass Ave was able to avoid getting caught. During the chase he dropped a bag containing personal papers possible indicating his name but no address.

They say hell has no fury like a women scorned. But the fury of Jezebel over bloggerly treatment of female harassment might be worse. So when one of my male co-editors responded to this tip with, “This is AWESOME. Who wants to do the honors?”, I realized I better handle this one.

At Duke, masturbatory attacks on unsuspecting female students in the Perkins Library stacks happened with some regularity. I thought this was the case at university libraries across the land, but my co-editors tell me such incidents did not occur at their alma maters. Apparently Duke has more in common with AU than with Harvard and Yale.

More on the Attack of the Stack Whacker, after the jump.

Law librarians got miffed at Westlaw this week, after the legal research company sent out the following advertisement via e-mail:

Law librarians across the land were appalled and voiced their displeasure on this list-serv, among other places. From a librarian at a large southern law firm:

[Apparently] the folks at West think that attorneys shouldn’t know their librarians’ names. I’d love to see ATL’s snarky humor sticking it to West (or, Hell, stick it to us law librarians if you think we’re being too sensitive.)

We don’t think you’re being too sensitive. In fact, we have a great appreciation for law librarians.

We know that law librarians are hot. We know that librarianship is a good career alternative. We know that law library staffers save lives, literally. And we think knowing their names is not something to mock.

While the folks at LexisNexis are doing a little happy dance, what does Westlaw have to say for itself?

Ed. note: Welcome to the latest installment of “Notes from the Breadline,” a column by a laid-off lawyer in New York. Prior columns are collected here. You can reach Roxana St. Thomas by email (at roxanastthomas@gmail.com), follow her on Twitter, or find her on Facebook.

Ah, the library. When was the last time you thought about it? When I started law school, I had a somewhat mystical notion of what the library would be like. Rays of afternoon sunlight would filter through tall windows, illuminating dust motes and spilling onto the pages of my neatly IRAC-ed briefs. I would sit at a long table, chewing thoughtfully on my pen before delving into an incisive analysis of Carolene Products, fn 4. A delicate lamp with a green glass shade would cast warm light on the law review article I was writing in longhand, with a fountain pen. I would meet a handsome stranger in the stacks and we would fall in love, like the Clintons.

In reality, the law library was devoid of such scholarly romanticism. It was either oppressively hot, resulting in all-girl study groups whose attire was more suggestive of a “Law Students Gone Wild” video than a chat session about conveyances, or cold enough to require indoor scarf-wearing. I spent more time asleep, with my face planted awkwardly on an open book, than I did actually reading. One of the bitchier members of our section patrolled the library with fierce determination, shushing us when we giggled about bizarre tort cases and classroom gunners. When it came time to study for the bar exam, I spent so much time in the library that, toward the end, I would wake up — in my own bed — feeling disoriented by the unfamiliar surroundings, groping anxiously for my highlighters. For years, I couldn’t pass by the building without experiencing the panicky sense that I had forgotten something important about commercial paper.

These memories, which conjure a queasy blend of academic stress, physical discomfort, and the feeling of being incarcerated in a cell made of CFR parts, resulted in a certain degree of library amnesia. Indeed, it hadn’t occurred to me to set foot in a law library for … well, years. Then, a few weeks ago, I received an email that read….

Last night, NYU had two “firestorms”: the announcement that Dr. Thio would not be coming to campus, and a more literal fire at NYU’s Bobst library.

From a tipster around 5 p.m. yesterday:

Just got out of NYU’s Bobst library. There was a small fire and they evacuated everybody inside. I had to run down 6 flights of smoke filled stairs. Great way to prep for the bar exam…

Our correspondent from Greenwich had particularly bad luck:

I actually think if I went down the main stairs I would be fine. They herded us towards two separate fire exits (on the washington park side), and the one I went down was the one filled with smoke. It cleared up around the first floor, so maybe the fire was on the second floor? … The ironic thing is, the other set of stairs seemed fine, and I’m not even a student at NYU. I just came here for one day to see a friend and for the change of atmosphere.

We’d advise heading to the NYU Law Library to study instead, but we have heard that mysterious smells lurk there.

Soooooo, the bar exam is next week. How’s that studying going? Feel free to kvetch in the comments.

Earlier: Breaking: Dr. Thio Is Not Coming To NYU Law
Breaking: Mystery Smell Hits NYU Law Library!!!

As promised, we bring you an update on yesterday’s coverage of staff layoffs at Fried Frank. Here are a few additional details, from the National Law Journal (subscription):

Fried, Frank, Harris, Shriver & Jacobson is reducing administrative staff in New York and Washington. The reductions, which a firm spokeswoman said were less than 10% of the law firm’s 730 staffers firmwide, affect primarily floating secretaries, part-time assistants and paralegals and library personnel.

The layoffs, first reported on AboveTheLaw.com, resulted from the law firm’s review of its administrative resources and staffing requirements. The employees will receive severance packages based on years of service, the spokeswoman said.

Update / Correction: One source questions the claim that the layoffs affected “primarily” floaters and part-time assistants. According to this tipster, many of the laid off employees were full-time, senior secretaries — a number of them over 50, and some just a few months shy of getting their pensions. This source predicts that age discrimination lawsuits will be filed.

One tipster tells us the number of affected employees was in the range of 50 to 60, which would amount to under 10 percent of 730 staffers, and that severance amounted to one week of pay for every year of service. We also hear this:

Apparently, mail room, duplicating and facilities were told that their jobs were being outsourced by the end of the year. They could start looking for new jobs before getting laid off at the end of the year or apply with the outsourcing agencies (with no guarantees of a job or placement at Fried Frank).

New York staff were given “a few minutes to pack up and get out”; cars were provided to take people home (a nice touch — hopefully that will become “market”). One source claims that employees were laid off without regard to their seniority or their performance reviews, whether negative or positive.

What about attorneys? A spokesperson emphasized to us that Fried Frank “doesn’t do lawyer layoffs,” which was reiterated to associates by firm chair Valerie Ford Jacob at a meeting yesterday.

(Jacob also claimed that the firm has never laid off lawyers. But one source at FFHSJ begs to differ. This source claims that the firm laid off attorneys back in 1990, and then “suffered years of recruiting problems because of it,” which may explain its reluctance to go down that path today.)

More detail about the meeting, after the jump.

Last week we started hearing rumors of imminent staff layoffs at Fried Frank. The rumors have now come true, as we’ve been hearing from multiple sources. Today appears to be the big day.

We submitted an inquiry to the firm. A spokesperson issued the following statement:

Over two years ago Fried Frank began a review of its administrative resources and staffing requirements. As part of this review process some departments were expanded and others consolidated.

Today’s administrative staff reductions are part of that business review process. Those affected are in the Firm’s NY and Washington DC offices. Severance and career counseling were offered to all of those affected.

We aren’t sure of the numbers (and the firm has not yet responded to our request for that data). One of the rumors from last week said the number could be as high as 10 percent of total staff headcount. We hear that in the D.C. office, at least eight or nine people have been laid off, as of the time of this posting. The numbers in New York are said to be significantly higher than in Washington.

The affected employees include secretaries, paralegals, and library personnel. Severance packages appear to vary, from as low as seven weeks to as high as three months.

People are being called in and given the bad news individually. But meetings are also being held at 3:30 and 4:00 p.m. in D.C. (It’s not clear what New York is doing.)

One staffer in New York was given 30 minutes to pack up all belongings and leave the premises. In Washington, however, that’s not happening; one source describes that office as “more humane.”

We will bring you more information as the story develops. If you have information to share, please email us.

As we announced yesterday, we’re doing a series of open threads on career alternatives for attorneys. If you have a law degree, but can’t get into / aren’t interested in Biglaw or contract attorney work, what are some other good options?

We kicked off the series with a post about job opportunities with accounting firms. If you have a suggested career path, please email us (subject line: “Career Alternatives”), and include some basic info about the field that you’re nominating (e.g., how to get into it, pluses and minuses, salary data, etc.).

Back to law librarians. Longtime ATL readers know that they’re hot, as reflected in our law librarian hotties contest (male nominees here, female nominees here, and winners here). And it sounds like their profession is, too. From an enthusiastic law librarian, who works for a university:

Don’t forget law librarianship. Great hours, low stress, academic lifestyle, and the chance to abuse law students at will. Nothing could be finer.

Seriously, this a great profession. The work is interesting, law students and professors are intelligent and fun to work with, the stress level is low, the pace is comfortable, and I feel like I’m doing positive things for people. I have fun at work every day, and get many of the benefits of the law school academic lifestyle in spite of only having been in the middle of my class at [a top 30 law school]. There are plenty of jobs, many in very nice places to live. I highly recommend it.

Sounds promising — especially the part about abusing law students. Read more, after the jump.

Okay, CLSers, so NYU Law School has surpassed you in the U.S. News rankings. But here’s some consolation: at least your law library is a zone of normalcy (as law libraries go, that is).

Late last year, NYU’s law library was taken over by a mystery smell. And now it has a new problem.

Check it out, after the jump.

In case you haven’t noticed, we have thing for law librarians around here. We’ve given them their own category tag, and we previously held a law librarian hotties contest (male nominees here, female nominees here, and winners here).

In our recent New York Observer column about Cadwalader, we also tried to include a shout-out to their super-cool library staff, based on this New York Times article. It ended up getting cut in the editing process, but we thought we’d mention it here. From a tipster:

The “librarian at a law firm” who was profiled [in the Times] works at Cadwalader. I’d be curious to hear from the ATL posters which other Vault firms feature these alleged “hipster librarians.”

So, any takers? Having a team of crack librarians, ready to go to the ends of the earth to find some obscure treatise or track down elusive legislative history, is one of the nice perks of Biglaw life — as well as life as a law professor or government lawyer, too.

And you might end up getting more than just USCCAN volumes — you could end up finding love. Justice Samuel A. Alito, you may recall, ended up marrying his office’s law librarian. How neat is that?

If you’d like to praise (or complain about) the library staff where you work, please feel free to do so in the comments. Thanks.

A Hipper Crowd of Shushers [New York Times]
Jeffrey Howard Buckley [jehobu.com]

This farewell email was sent out last month by a librarian who left Patton Boggs, the prominent D.C. law firm.

It pretty much speaks for itself. We would just note that Patton Boggs, as one of the biggest lobbying shops in Washington, is chock-full of both lawyers and ex-politicians.

From: [redacted]
Sent: Tuesday, July 03, 2007 5:35 PM
To: *Everyone (DC); *Everyone 2445 M Street
Subject: Good-Bye Patton Boggs

After 8.5 years, today was my last day at Patton Boggs LLP.

Everyone knows what I think about the Law(yers) and politic(ian)s, so I won’t dwell onit [sic].

Farewell to everyone as I doubt we’ll meet again in this life or the next.

Good-bye Patton Boggs.

Our tipster reported her fear that the embittered ex-exployee might go postal: “I came to work the following day using the side entrance because, well, I didn’t want to take any chances….”

They can Shepardize like nobody’s business. They know the proper Bluebook form for CCH looseleafs, by heart. And they look really good in swimwear.

After announcing our Law Librarian Hotties contest, we received lengthy string cites of bookish beauties. From these nominees, we came up with slates of thirteen lovely ladies and six gorgeous guys.

After a first round of voting, we held runoff elections. And now, we proudly announce the winners.

Congratulations to the two hottest law librarians in America:

LARRY REEVES

and

JOY HANSON!!!

The runoff votes weren’t exactly suspenseful. Both Reeves and Hanson won by sizable margins:

No photo finish here; but the results strike us as eminently fair. Congratulations to our two deserving victors!

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of law librarian hotties (scroll down)

It’s time for a quick housekeeping announcement about our Law Librarian Hotties contest. We’re currently in the middle of runoff votes between the two women and the two men who received the most votes in the first round. If you haven’t voted in the runoffs yet (or if you’d like to change your vote), you can do so by clicking here.

If you’d like to vote, though, don’t delay. We will close the polls tomorrow, Thursday, March 15, at 3 PM (Eastern time).

Right now, neither race is close. But it ain’t over until the results are certified by Katherine Harris. To the four remaining contenders, GOOD LUCK!!!

Earlier: Law Librarian Hotties: It’s Time for a Runoff!

Thank you to everyone who voted in ATL’s Law Librarian Hotties contest. The first round of voting is now complete, and we have four finalists.

On the women’s side, our slate of thirteen fantastic nominees has been reduced to two worthy competitors:

1. JOY HANSON

2. ABIGAIL RUDMAN

And on the men’s side, we’ve whittled down a half-dozen nominees to one pair of hotties:

1. DWIGHT KING

2. LARRY REEVES

You can refresh your recollection about these hotties, and cast your vote in the runoff races, after the jump.

Our quest to find the hottest law librarians in America is still ongoing — but we’re moving into the home stretch. The polls will close on Thursday, March 7 8, at 3 PM (Eastern time). By this time, the polls in both contests will have been open for over a week.

After the close of the first-round voting, we’ll hold runoff elections between the two hottest contestants on each side (men and women). The winners of the two runoff votes will be crowned as the king and queen of our Law Librarian Hotties.

In case you haven’t already voted, some time still remains. You can vote on the male nominees here and the female nominees here.

To all the competitors: Good Luck!!!

Earlier: Law Librarian Hotties: Your Male Nominees
Law Librarian Hotties: Your Female Nominees

Just a quick reminder: our contest to find the hottest law librarians in America is still underway. You can vote on the male nominees here and the female nominees here.

Both contests are looking like two-person races. Although thirteen women and six men were nominated as hot law librarians, two women and two men have pulled away from the pack — big time.

In the women’s race, Abigail Rudman is currently in first place, with 39 percent of the vote. Joy Hanson follows with 27 percent. No other nominee polls above 10 percent.

Meanwhile, on the men’s side, Larry Reeves has a commanding lead, with 52 percent of the vote. Dwight King is running second, with 39 percent. The other four contestants all hover between one and three percent.

We’ll keep the polls open through the weekend. If you haven’t done so already, please cast your votes!

Earlier: Law Librarian Hotties: Your Male Nominees
Law Librarian Hotties: Your Female Nominees

Yesterday we posted the female nominees for America’s hottest law librarian. But we know it’s the men you really want to see. From an email:

We’re all waiting for the male nominees with bated breath. I’m sure there’s a Daniel Craig hiding in a row of US Reports somewhere….

We’ll let you be the judge. The hot male law librarians are a smaller group than the women. But there are still some impressive contenders in the bunch, despite its modest size.

You can check them out, in all of their masculine-yet-bookish glory, after the jump.

Earlier this month, we began accepting nominations in Above the Law’s exciting Law Librarian Hotties Contest. We received some excellent submissions — librarians so hot that if you saw them in the stacks, you’d drop that Am. Jur. on your foot.

Now it’s time to announce the nominees. We’ll start with the women; the men will follow in due course.

Update: The male nominees have been announced. Check them out here.

To kick things off, some words from a librarian at the U.S. Supreme Court:

To quote President Bush, “As Sam [Alito] and I both know, you can’t go wrong marrying a librarian.” Good luck to all your contestants!

You may not agree with most (or any) of George W. Bush’s actions. But marrying Laura Bush — who did have a “real job,” as a librarian (sorry, Teresa Heinz Kerry) — was probably one of the Decider’s best decisions.

If you’d like to follow the president’s lead, and find a librarian of your own to marry, we have some candidates for your consideration. To “check out” (hehe) America’s hottest law librarians, take a peek at what lies after the jump.

As a legal blog, we’re all about due process and notice.

Hence this post. You are hereby notified that the nominations period for our law librarian hotties contest will close tomorrow, Tuesday, February 20, at 5 PM (24 hours from now).

To find out how to nominate a librarian hottie — include yourself, since self-nominations are welcome — click here. Thanks!

Earlier: Above the Law Hotties: Law Librarians!

Time for a quick plug for our law librarian hotties contest, which is currently underway. From an informed reader:

Apropos of your contest (and Valentine’s Day): Are you aware that February is Library Lovers’ Month?

No, not until this email — so thanks for the factoid! It makes our hot law librarian contest even more compelling.

We’ve received a number of great nominations already, including multiple submissions on behalf of three nominees who are looking like frontrunners. We’ll continue to accept nominations at least through the upcoming holiday weekend.

Remember, the contest is open to ALL law librarians, not just law school librarians — per this correction / clarification. And yes, if you’re a hot law librarian, feel free to nominate yourself.

To find out how to nominate a librarian hottie, click here for the submission guidelines. Thanks!

Earlier: Above the Law Hotties: Law Librarians!