The executive director of Sheppard Mullin sent out an email to the Los Angeles office yesterday with the following subject: “Copycat Urinater.” Here’s an excerpt:

A few weeks ago, someone urinated on the floor and two of the toilet seats in women’s room on the 43rd Floor. I reviewed the security tapes and interviewed those entering the restroom over the two hour stretch preceding the first report of the incident. Unfortunately, each person interviewed recalled seeing the mess but simply elected to use a clean toilet and did not report what they had seen. This is not the first time something like this has happened in a Sheppard Mullin women’s room. We had similar problem on the 41st Floor some time ago. Due to the vigilance of the ladies on 41, the perpetrator was identified and corrective active taken. That person is no longer with the Firm.

Nationwide Layoff Watch: Toilet seat sprayers at Sheppard Mullin.

Sheppard executive director Robert Zuber is third in command, according to this firm facts page. Apparently, potty puddle investigations fall within an ED’s job responsibilities.

More discussion, plus the full email from Zuber, after the jump.

Sources at Skadden report that Robert S. Bennett, the legendary litigator, will be leaving Skadden for Hogan & Hartson. Skadden partners were informed yesterday; Skadden associates are being told right now.

Bob Bennett is one of the most famous trial lawyers in the world. His client list reads like a CNN promo: Enron, Bill Clinton, Judith Miller, Caspar Weinberger! That’s right, I kicked that list with the Cold War winning, Contra-loving SecDef.

Carl Rauh will also join Bennett at Hogan. Rauh has worked with Bennett on many of his high-profile cases, so that’s of little surprise.

But tipsters report that the two will not be taking any other Skadden - D.C. personnel with them.

Bennett started his private practice at Hogan & Hartson. So the move is a bit of a homecoming.

The associates’ meeting is about to kick off. We hope to have official confirmation from the firm and more news after the associates are informed.

The top brass at Hogan are surely excited about the Bennett acquisition — but might he be to blame for their missing out on the opportunity to meet Sex and the City stars?

Ed. note: This post has been updated. Please read below (updates in bold).

Not all Biglaw types are luxuriating in 1600 hours for the year. Some are still working long hours and spending late nights at the office. There can be hazards to late night assignments: canceled dinner plans, sleep deprivation, and running across an armed robbery in the car garage.

Such was the case last night, in a garage shared by many firms, including Paul Hastings. A Los Angeles attorney sent us this e-mail last night at midnight EDT/ 9 p.m. PDT:

This evening, some attys in the office received the following email:

“In case you guys were planning on leaving the office, there’s an armed car jacking going on in j2, its barricaded and cops aren’t letting anyone in. Some sort of stand-off with the cops now.”

Our correspondent has since retired. We have inquiries in to Paul Hastings but have not gotten an official statement yet. Are there any early risers on the West Coast who know more about this? Send us tips at tips@abovethelaw.com.

UPDATE: The Los Angeles garage in question is shared by Paul Hastings and other noteworthy Biglaw firms, such as Morgan Lewis, Winston & Strawn, and Jones Day.

The full story from a building manager is that a woman — we don’t know her Biglaw affiliation, if any — was approached by a man in the parking lot who demanded that she surrender her car keys. She did and called the police. That precipitated the closing of the garage. The police investigated the crime scene for a couple of hours, which is why nobody was allowed to leave the building during that time. No “stand-off,” just a crime scene investigation.

The criminal was not apprehended, but police reports indicate that the criminal left behind some physical evidence. As we understand it, the car jacker was not armed.

We’ll keep updating this post as we have more details to report.

Firms have been making offers this month. The good news came first, leading us to ask at the beginning of the month: Summer Offer Rate Open Thread: Are We Back to 100%?

We’re such optimists here at ATL that we followed that thread with this one: Summer Offer Rate Open Thread: Happy Happy Joy Joy!.

This week, a number of recent summer associates have asked us to take off the rose-colored glasses. On Monday, we reported that Paul Hastings would have a 75% offer rate, leaving a quarter of its summers with no offers.

We’re now getting reports of no offers at other firms. Two examples are after the jump. But tell us what you are hearing in the comments or send it into tips@abovethelaw.com.

What could have been a tragic story looks to have been resolved in a peaceful manner.

The Louisville Courier-Journal reports:

A former University of Louisville student and contract employee was apprehended by University of Louisville Police Friday morning after a law library staff member recognized that he was barred from campus.

According to police, Thomas H. Irwin entered the law library at about 8:30 a.m. with two handguns and ammunition. A library employee called U of L Police, who escorted Irwin from the premises without incident.

According to an email sent to the student body, the former University of Louisville student “had been declared persona non grata by the university in December 2008.”

Way to watch over your library like a hawk, not a cardinal, unknown super-staffer. We gotta get you into the TSA.

Statement from the university, after the jump.

Despite last week’s welcome reprieve from Biglaw layoffs, it looks like some firms didn’t get the memo. Above the Law has learned that Curtis Mallet conducted layoffs early this week. We believe that 10% - 15% of its corporate associates have been let go. Multiple class years were affected, but it appears that first years were spared.

Curtis Mallet would not respond to our multiple requests for comment

Perhaps the firm is embarrassed to be laying off associates on the heels of last year’s strong profit numbers. In February, Am Law Daily reported:

Bucking the trend among New York law firms, Curtis, Mallet-Prevost, Colt & Mosle reports a 13.5 percent surge in revenue to $125 million. Curtis Mallet has chosen the worst business year in memory to cross the million-dollar profits per equity partner mark, with PPP up 11 percent to $1 million. Revenue per lawyer for the firm’s 225 lawyers, scattered among 14 offices worldwide, nudged up 3.5 percent to $570,000….

Firm chairman George Kahale, who was profiled in The American Lawyer last year, says that Curtis Mallet has the right mix of groups for the current economic climate.

So you see, laid off associates should be proud that they helped the partners make a million dollars before being shown the door.

After the jump, we learn that the work of soon-to-be-former Curtis Mallet associates is not quite done.

* Two U.S. journalists were sentenced to 12 years in a labor prison in North Korea. [CNN]

* Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been asked to grant an emergency stay in Fiat’s acquisition of Chrysler. Will SCOTUS seize the opportunity to “decide critical, nationally significant legal issues relating to management of the economy by the United States government?” [Wall Street Journal]

* General Counsels want change they can believe in. [Law.com]

* Executive compensation oversight: now brought to you by the federal government. [New York Times]

* Will Law & Order be able to rip this one from the headlines? It’s
certainly dramatic. Here’s SCOTUSblog’s coverage of the legal
adventures of the Chrysler rescue plan. [SCOTUSblog]

* Do you remember Alan Greenspan? [Slate]

* The EPA doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job protecting the environment. [Courthouse News Service]

Last month, we brought you a summer lunch memo featuring the comedic stylings of lawyers from Cleary Gottlieb.

This week, a lunch memo is going around the offices of WilmerHale:

Year in and year out, our Summer Associates tell us that what they remember most is the time they spent with the lawyers of WilmerHale. And there is no better way for each of you to get to know these 38 lawyers-to-be than to take them to lunch and chat them up a little bit.

Look around your floors today and take notice of the new Summer Associates. And yes, those of you on floors 21 and 31 may have to put in a little more effort and look around other floors on your way to meetings. Keep in mind, Summers tend to (a) have full heads of hair, (b) be a touch overdressed on their first day, and (c) have nice WilmerHale paraphernalia that even those of us who have labored here 5, 10, 15 years don’t get. Make a point to invite those folks to lunch a few times over the next 10 weeks.

The memo goes on to parody the Boston-area furniture store that famously gave away a lot of merchandise for free when the Boston Red Sox won the world series.

While we at Above the Law appreciate any attempt at levity during these difficult times, some WIlmerHale tipsters are less than impressed:

[O]bviously written by someone who is on the cusp of having a sense of humor not quite there. [It] lacks the risqué-ness of the Cleary memo (e.g. class distinction - “you can go to McDonalds,” etc) but is what you get from the most rigid firm in Boston.

Everybody’s a critic. And while we admit that the memo is a little bit inside (Boston) baseball, at least WilmerHale is joking. That has got to be better than the lunch memos that came out of Simpson Thacher.

Read the full memo after the jump and see for yourself.

Here’s a post devoted to the perils of “Reply All” and idealism among first-year associates. Brought to you by the attorneys of Quinn Emanuel.

The firm just celebrated a victory in its Washington Redskins case, reports the Washington Post:

A federal appeals court yesterday handed the Washington Redskins another victory in their long-running legal dispute with Native American activists over the team’s name.

The appeals court did not address whether the name was offensive but upheld a federal judge’s ruling last year that a Native American man had waited too long to challenge six Redskins trademarks.

AmLaw Daily reports that Quinn attorney Robert Raskopf, who has been working on the case for as long it has been since the Redskins have seen a Superbowl stadium, was pretty psyched about the victory:

Raskopf was in a good mood when we spoke with him about the appellate win. He’s been on the case since it started 17 years ago. “It’s a great win for the team,” said Raskopf, who had help from Quinn partner Sanford Weisburst on the brief. “I’m so happy for the Redskins and their fans.”

Raskopf was so happy on Friday that he sent out a firm-wide victory e-mail. But not everybody was thrilled. After bouncing around the firm and racking up some responses, the victory chain made its way to our inbox via a tipster:

This is too good not to share. This was sent to all Quinn attorneys.
—-
The First Year Associate Who Shat All Over Raskopf’s Victory Email OR The First Year Associate Who Repurposed the Redskins

After the jump, see the chain that culminates in a (soon-to-be-fired?) first-year associate’s plea for idealistic litigation at Quinn.

Last Thursday, Mark Levy, a Kilpatrick Stockton attorney who had been laid off, tragically committed suicide at the firm’s office. Sadly, we have more disturbing news to report today. Above the Law has learned that a Simpson Thacher associate died two weekends ago in an apparent suicide. We understand that the female associate was recently let go from the firm.

The firm issued this brief statement to Above the Law:

A Simpson Thacher associate has passed away and the family requests privacy.

Associates were informed in one-on-one meetings by partners at the firm last week.

The death took place more than a week before Mark Levy took his own life, so this is clearly not a copy-cat situation. Instead, the news underscores the need for people to seek professional help during these difficult times. If you are feeling depressed, we implore you to avail yourselves of the counseling services offered by your firm, state bar association, or your law school.

After the jump, the National Law Journal reports that more attorneys are doing just that.